Aed jokes
What do you call a train that stalls?
The little engine that couldn't!
Why can't a steam locomotive sit down?
Because it has a tender behind.
A twelve-volt battery walks into a tavern and orders a drink. The bartender serves him, and comments, "Now don't start anything."
What do you call a smart pig?
A Swinestein.
What's grey and can't fly? A parking lot.
What’s another name for a cow?
You... cause you're fat.
When I die, I want my body to be cremated.
And fucked! Fucked really hard, papí!! Like a real whore!! Like a real tramp!! Stuff your entire cock in there!!! Uhh!! Uhh!!
"Hotel Rwanda" has a high score on Rotten Tomatoes, but their Yelp reviews are terrible.
I had a dog with an eating disorder.
He wouldn’t eat any of my homework.
When I was a child, my parents told me my uncle was 'sleeping with the fishes.' At first, I thought he bought a water bed, but I then discovered he was killed and buried at sea.
So this one time I saw Sally trying to get up after she fell off the swing, and I helped her up and she said "Thank you," and I said, "You're welcome." The next day I saw her legs and someone said, "I would not do that," and I said, "Whatever." I tapped Sally, and the top halve fell. I said, "WHAT HAPPENED TO SALLY?" And someone said she went in a minefield.
Why are sex toys something to stuff in your asshole and not a big racecar?
Las Vegas has a new 550-foot-tall Ferris wheel, hoping to gain tourists.
What’s already gaining “tourists”? Whores.
What is a Mexican’s favorite band?
Twenty Juan Pilots.
What do gum and guns have in common?
When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend all of a sudden.
Why can’t you yell at a kid?
Because the cops are after you.
Q: Why did the fly go to the hospital?
A: For the doctor to make it get "butter!"
Why do a pedophile love Halloween?
Free delivery.
To become a licensed airline pilot requires 1,500 hours (two years) of training. But it only takes 10 seconds to steal the pilot’s jacket and hat.
I'm not a chef, but boy, are these days getting harder and harder to get through.