Aed jokes
A blonde walks into the doctor's office. She tells the doctor, "My boyfriend has dandruff."
The doctor tells her to use Head and Shoulders. She leaves. About an hour later, the doctor's phone rings. He answers, it's the blonde. The doctor asks how he can help her. "Well doctor, I understand head, but how do you 'hove' shoulders?"
If a man travels 14 miles to buy a loaf of bread, how long will it take for him to realise that living in the countryside is shit?
Head teacher talking about recent vandalism during school assembly:
"And to those of you who wrote Mr. Smith's telephone number on the door of the girl's toilets, he would like to make it clear that the last digit is a 7 and not a 4."
Why can orphans travel around so much? They never get homesick.
What’s one thing you can say at a funeral and during sex?
She was too young.
So, I took a poop outside. When I was done, I wiped and got it on my finger. After that, I had Nutella, and I thought the poop on my hand was Nutella, and I licked it. I said, "Daddy chill, what in the heck is this crap?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
School. School is a slavery joke and a Nazi joke combined.
What did the horse say when his throat was sore?
I have a hoarse throat!
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but a crowbar could do it so much quicker.
Funny thing happened today, my dad came home from work which is weird cause he’s a suicide bomber.
Imagine this... you're a lesbian, and you're doing it with your cannibal girlfriend. You say, "Eat me, baby!"
She pulls out a knife and fork.
What did a skeleton say when he's alone?
"I'm so bonely..."
You know how in the movie, "Nightmare Before Christmas," they say they're making Christmas?
I thought Mary and Joseph did, but okay.
Type this in your calculator:
5 days a week (type in 5),
6 different classes (type in 6),
7 hours a day (type in 7),
x
2 semesters (type in 2),
=
flip the calculator over ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°).
There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7.
When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the "bright side" of it.
She said, "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome!"
54 students died that day.
Yo Mama so fat, she has a Twinkie inside of a Twinkie inside of her fat ass motherfucking belly button!
When a clock goes forward, it's tic-tac, but when Rommel goes backwards, it's tactic!
Last Christmas, I took a picture of your mom.
It's still printing.
Bill gets home from work late again, and Susan is angry. She hollers at Bill, "I AM FURIOUS. When I go outside tomorrow, there better be something that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds!" Bill says, "Ok." The next morning there is a box outside! Susan opens it. It's a scale! Bill hasn't been seen since October 2, 2002.
Who did a barber win a race?
He knew a short cut.