Aed jokes
If Hillary and Biden got locked in a room together, all they would talk about is how to ruin America and make a plan to steal children.
Today was no fun. A rhino escaped from the zoo and ate two parents, and I lost my job as zookeeper.
Why can't the orphan play the game of life? They don't know what a family road trip is. 😆
When I was watching my daughter at the park earlier, another parent asked a man, "Which one is yours?" and he replied, "I'm still choosing." She looked horrified.
The moment when she tells you: "I'm a virgin. Be gentle!" And you tell her, "Don't worry, I used to work with kids."
A man who drinks a lot is told by his wife that if he ever gets drunk again she will leave him.
Later, the man goes to a pub and drinks a lot and throws up all down his jacket. 'Oh no,' he says to his friend, 'if I go home like this again, my wife will leave me.' 'Don't worry,' his friend says. 'Put a £20 note in your jacket pocket. When your wife challenges you, produce the money and say another man threw up on you and gave you the £20 note for the dry cleaning.' 'Brilliant!' the man says and goes home. He walks through his front door and his wife sees him. She is furious. 'No no,' the man says, producing the money from his inside pocket. 'A man threw up on me and gave me £20 for the dry cleaning.' 'What's the other £20 note for?' asks his wife. 'Ah, that's from the man who shat in my pants.....'
What's the difference Michael Jackson and a play station have in common...
They're both plastic and kids turn them on.
Get a head in life by decapitating someone.
What's the difference between an orphan and a dog?
A dog gets adopted.
A man tells his doctor, "Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!"
The doctor replies, "Sorry, I don’t follow you..."
What does a nosy pepper do?
Gets jalapeño business.
Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.
So I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
I met this girl at a bar and started doing her from behind. Everything was great until she turned and said, "My turn!"
Yo mama so skinny, she choked on a SINGLE STRAND OF SPAGHETTI!
What do you get when a dinosaur farts?
A blast from the past!
What do you call seagulls that fly over a bay? Bay-gulls.
Why does it take so long for the pirates to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years on C! Pirate: A, B, sea?
A... B... Sea?
Orange you glad you are not a comedian?
Why didn't the pirate write a letter to his mom?
Are you kidding me?!?