Aed jokes
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
Please help, my dad is an addict. He won't stop, and he eats my food.
Sometimes I think, should I kill him? But nah, he will go down with the others who did that too.
What’s a gay person’s favorite book?
The dictionary.
Me: If a skinny person goes skinny dipping, then what do fat people do?
My friend: Chunky dunks.
You know what you could use? An orphan as a punching bag.
What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Q: What do you call America in a year? A: A wasteland.
What can hold anything on the moon? A crater.
Throw a plate.
It’s broken, right?
Say “sorry” to it.
Did it fix back?
No... that’s the same thing you did to me :)
Why did my mother buy me a Honda? She knows I can't move, so she pushed my wheelchair with me in it into the ocean. I survived just by a second, but a shark got my wheelchair, fucking bitch.
If I stepped on a Twix, would you get mad?
Why do people in a wheelchair make bad jokes? Because they are bad at stand-up.
What do you call your angry French aunt?
A crossaunt.
What's the difference between a blonde and a car door? The harder you slam the blonde, the looser it gets.
What's the difference between a magician and a chorus line?
The magician has a cunning array of stunts!
What's the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?
A rooster clucks defiance!
Why did the girl study in the tree? She wanted a higher education.
Why did the music teacher need a ladder to reach the really high notes?
What did the pen say to the pencil? You have a point.
What do I call a white person with 15 black kids?
Coach.