Aed jokes
My doctor said I could have up to 20 units a week. But now I've eaten half of my kitchen.
What do you get when you mix a fly and a rabbit?
Bugs Bunny!
What do you get when you cross a turkey and a centipede?
Drumsticks for everyone!
I would like to dedicate this song to a friend of mine, who was run over last week and is in hospital.
The wheels on the bus go round and round!
One of my friends named Jill had a drug overdose.
She didn’t have any of that drug after that. For the rest of her life, she acted very high. When she died, it was because of natural causes, not the drug. So this proves that a lethal dose is also a life time supply.
What do you call a nervous zucchini?
An edgy veggie.
An emo and a leaf fall from a tree, which hits the ground first?
The leaf, because the emo got caught by the rope.
I used to have a phobia of pogo sticks. Those things always made me jump.
You're the type of guy to have a whole training arc after a girl wants to fight you.
What did the frog order?
A diet Croak!
Yo mama so fat, they had to give her a license plate.
A Chinese drug dealer said to me, "Do you like my cocaine?"
I replied, "Not since he starred in Zulu."
Why does an orphan only have a Samsung? Because it doesn't have a home button!
I went to my sister's room one day. I saw a trophy, so I asked my sister how she won it. My sister said the neighbors gave it to her because she gave out the best hand jobs in the neighborhood. I guess my sister put her hands to good use.
What does a construction worker say to another construction worker?
Screw you!
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year? Because there is no Mother's or Father's Day.
A man comes into the pharmacy to get a flu shot. The pharmacy nurse prepares one of the shots. The man gets the shot, and the nurse cleans the shot area.
The next day, the man comes back and gets another shot. Before he paid, the nurse said, “Don’t you realize if you get another shot you may die from overdose?” The man said, “Don’t you realize if you don’t shut up I’ll give you a shot of lead?” The nurse got scared and quit her job.
The nurse was relaxing, looking for a vacation to book, when all of a sudden she hears an odd noise. It sounds like someone cocking a gun. The man was hiding behind the nurses bushes. “In return for you giving me shots, here are yours,” said the man as he was chuckling like a psycho. The man shot the nurse in the leg so she couldn’t escape, then he shot her left hand, which is the lady’s dominant hand, so she couldn’t call the cops. For the finishing move, the man curb stomped the fucking life out of her until her head was as flat as paper.
9 years later......
All along, this man, this psycho, escaped a mental hospital. He went on mass genocide, killing 20,000 people in just 3 years. This man is more than human, more than alien, more than god himself. It was Satan reborn.
One day, a chicken went to the nail store. He asked the "owner" where the shampoo was. "BRO IM NOT THE FRIKKIN MANAGER!" the guy said. So the duck walked away.
The next day he went back to the store and asked a pregnant lady why she was so fat. The lady punched him and ran away. The duck cried. Then he went to the lady's husband and said that he must be tired of being married since she punches people every day. The man punched him. The duck assumed they were the punching couple. The duck walked, and then fell in a ditch and stayed there to die. The pregnant lady and her husband were very pleased >:) muhahahahahahaha
What's the difference between a girl eating Taco Bell and doing sex a few times? Nothing. Something always comes out.
You're like a cloud. When you go away, it's a beautiful day.