Achievement jokes

My fitness guru said that if I got raped, it would help me in future marathons.

If you start at a bait shop, you're an amateur baiter, but once you achieve the highest level, you become a master baiter. Now buy a shrimp boat and become a master baiter on a shrimp boat.

How do you know when Kobe Bryant is famous?

His face was chiseled in a mountain.

Katy Perry can't sing, can't dance, doesn't write music, is unbelievably ugly, and is unable to decipher maths or science. Really though, I didn't realize going down on a record executive would later lead her to be one of the people able to go to space.

What is the name of Hellen Keller's dog?

NYAHHH NYAHH NYUUUU NYAAHHHAADUUDU!

Someone forgot to do half the questions in the history test.

And that's what made him go down in history.

It’s about drive, it’s about power, We stay hungry, we devour, Put in the work, put in hours, And take what’s ours.

Helen Keller is so Helen Keller-y that nobody will be as good as Helen Keller.

Guys, put more comments in.

We are so close to beating the world record for most comments on this website, and the record is 171.

Where do smart hotdogs end up?

On the honor roll!

One day I was going home, and 7 married men came to me and said, "You should be proud of your sister." I asked why. They told me it was the best that they ever had, and we got your sister a trophy.

So I went home, my sister said, "Look at my trophy I earned." The trophy said "The Best Blow Jobs." As a bro, I couldn’t be more prouder.

Why is it that the Libertarian Party never had a formal president of the United States that ran as a Libertarian that had a presidential library?

Because the Libertarian Party is the party of principle. The Libertarian Party was founded in 1971 and the Libertarian Party has not won a presidential election since 1972, because the Libertarian Party doesn't believe in using force to achieve political and social goals.

I was in a maze and I got to the end and they congratulated me. I said that was a-maze-ing!

What do you call a country who needs another race just to be the best country in sports?

America.

Whoever invented the knock-knock joke should get a "no bell" prize.

Why is the record for longest jump kept by an emo?

They're still hanging.

The Blonde got a Ph.D.?

Yeah, like that would ever happen.

Why did the boy get a koala? He had the koalafications.

OMG guys, I finally did it. I made a head slicey boy. I have headless.

I just reached 10 million pounds in Euro Truck Simulator, but it's not even close to what Rakhmat Akilov achieved.