Americans be like: Here is the US, we drive on the right side of the road.
England be like: Here in the UK, we drive on the left side of the road.
Russians after a car accident be like: Here in Russia, road is road.
Today was the worst day ever. My Ex got hit by a truck... On the plus side my truck doesn't even have a dent.
I was anonymous, with the previous jokes. I will now go by "I can fly! *falls*"
What's black and white and red all over? A mime i hit with my car.
I was walking down the streets with my parents and my sister, my mum said "step on a crack break your mother's back" I stepped on a crack, my sister has been in the hospital ever since
Today was the worst day ever! My brother got run over, and I lost my driver's license!
What is the difference between a dead baby and an orphan? The dead baby happened on purpose while the orphan came out as an accident!
I got suspended at school today, I lit a kids wheelchair on fire and called him hot wheels
I walked up to a man and he said hows the weather up their and then i pushed him in the street to get hit by a bus
My girlfriend got ran over by a bus I lost my job as a bus driver.
One time, I took my wife to the doctors. My wife had a severe migraine, and needed a medic. I waited for about 10 minutes. The doctor walked out with my wife in a wheelchair. "Due to your wife's broken hip, she may never walk again," said the doctor. "She had a migraine," I said. "Oh, we know," said the doctor.
imagine u go to school right u hit the curve the bus driver be like ahhh how do i stop the bus students from the bus jump from the windows one of the students THAT'S a U Problem
Why did Billy fall off his bike? Because his dad threw a chair at him.
Little Johnny walks in on his mom taking a shower and slips and falls under her and he says what’s that mama she says that’s just and old bear he says he’s a mean bear she says why’s that he says he’s got blood in on eye and shit in the other
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
Today I Vance a blind guy a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. Since I have no fingerprints, the police said it was suicide. I guess you can say I took care of him!
racecar backwards is racecar but racecar sideways is how paul walker died
In other news, we are hearing of a nasty helicopter crash on the M4. Let's cross live to our eye-in-the-sky, Mark. Mark?
I would like to dedicate this song to a friend of mine, who was run over last week and is in hospital.
The wheels on the bus go round and round!
When you put the chicken in the oven and it goes down and the oven explodes oven and smoke and everything is fire and on fire and flies to the grass and all goes back
I hit something when i pulled into my driveway. and then i noticed that my cat was missing.
