I will remember my classmate's last words: "Ahh, my pen's ink spilled on my computer!"
I remember my son's last words: "I stubbed my toe!"
What does Kobe and the Twin Towers have in common?
The pilots just couldn't stick the landing.
Wow, that was explosive!
Man, I'm on fire 🔥 today!
Why did the orphan fall off the mountain? Because his parents let go.
1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?
- A bus full of children.
2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
- He died of a yeast infection.
3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...
- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”
4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...
- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...
- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
i was hit by a car later my ex lost her bus job
I wish that people would stop mailing jokes about Kobe Bryant. Guys, all they do is crash and burn!
Kobe Bryant never missed a shot.
But he nailed that mountain.
What goes hahaha bonk?
A man laughing his head off.
What fits neatly into a hole, slides nicely between breasts, and if used wrong could choke someone? A seatbelt.
What did the helicopter say to the mountain?
Kobe.
Papyrus ran headfirst into a windmill. Guess you can call him a bonehead.
Why did Diana cross the road? Because she wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
Never take a person canoeing or kayaking if they had a cerebrovascular accident.
They’ll hear the one word they hate the most: “STROKE, STROKE, STROKE!”
What do you call being run over by Michael Jackson?
Being hit by... Being struck by... A smooth criminal.
When you run over a speed bump in a school zone and you remember that there are no speed bumps.
Last week, I was on a plane to Manchester when suddenly the plane was hit by a ball. I wondered where it came from, but I soon realized it was none other than Penaldo practicing his free kicks. Shame on you, Penaldo, for almost killing me!
Why did the depressed kid cross the road?
To get hit by a car.
I was doing a race, and I started after everyone 'cause I fell, but when I got up I realized I couldn't even race, not because I was behind, but because I can't go straight if I'm gay...
You know that feeling when you're going through a school parking lot and go over a speed bump, then you realize that there are no speed bumps?
