Accident jokes

"911, I just crashed my car. I think it's burning. I can't see. It hurts to breathe."

"FUCK IT HURTS SO BAD PLEASE SEND AN AMBULANCE I CAN'T BREATHE (I am Paul Walker btw)"

*Coughs roughly* Oh my God, it hurts so much. I can't see. It burns! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! *Weakly*

Random Kid: Aye man where was Kobe flying to?

Launch Site: Umm, he might have gone too close to here, sorry if he might have crashed...

There was this boy. He had diarrhea, and he kept asking to go to the bathroom, but the teacher said no. Next thing you know, he pooped himself in front of the class.

Luisa: The ship doesn't swerve, as it heard how big the iceberg is.

Captain of the Titanic: Wait, what did you say?

3 minutes later:

Why didn't I listen to the strong one?

I was telling the emo kid emo jokes, and I couldn’t read them because I was laughing too hard. I almost cut the emo kid. He wasn’t laughing at the jokes.

Been getting a lot of paper cuts on my fingers lately, I guess it's a sign I should go lower.

Hairline got cut by a broken teacup.

When Kobe's pilot hit the mountain, he said, "Kobe."

I didn't mean to call an Afghanistan hotline. I told them I was depressed, then they asked if I know how to drive a truck. I don't know how that has anything to do with it!

What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking during a house fire.

You call it suicide. I call it a failed parkour attempt.

Why did the old man fall down a well?

He couldn't see that well.

Kaj je pomaranča rekla, ko jo je povozil avto?

Your Mom so fat that she went on to commit suicide, but the roof fell off.....

Did you hear that nursing homes keep returning the new Paul Walkers?

They let the elderly move fast, but then burst into flames and burn the patients alive.

Say what you want about Paul Walker, but he was a smart guy.

You can tell by the quantity of brain matter on his dashboard.

People said that Kobe could fly so high, but that did not end well.

I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."

(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)