Accident jokes

I will remember my biker buddy's last words: "Why did you cut in front of me?"

What did the fish say before he hit the wall? -- "Oh, dam."

Q: What is red, white, and blue and fun to watch?

A: A cop car rolling over after trying to catch someone for speeding.

I asked my sister to get me a cup of fruit punch. I realized she was taking a bit so I walk to the kitchen and noticed that she spilled it on herself. I asked her, "How did you do that?" but there was no response.

Why did the boy get run over?

Sally was driving.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a campfire and shouted out "Hot Wheels!"

Why did Susie fall off the swing?

Because she had no arms.

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Not Susie!"

What's big and yellow and can't swim? A bus filled with children.

What's the quickest way to go to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.

I'll never forget my grandfather's last words: "STOP SHAKING THE LADDER, YOU LITTLE CUNT!"

You're walking on the street when you realize that you're in the road as you feel the horn dying away.

I can't tell what's farther, the Great Wall of China, or how far Paul Walker flew out of his windshield.

Stephen Hawking was in a house fire. When he got out, people called him "Hot Wheels."

What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking during a house fire.

Why did Sally fall out the window?

She was pushed.

What's black, white, and red?

A nun that fell down an elevator shaft.

One day when I was driving around our children's school with my wife, she saw a speed bump. She told me to slow on it, and when I did, we heard a loud, long scream.

Helen Keller walked into a bar, and a table, and chairs.

If a man drove over a woman, whose fault was it? The man, because he shouldn't be driving in the kitchen.

When you accidentally wipe a little too hard and your finger goes up your bumhole, triggering flashbacks of when you were 10 and your uncle stayed a few weeks. 😂