Accident jokes
What were Paul Walker's last words?
I dk probably "WATCH THE FUCKING TREE!"
I remember my grandfather's last words:
"Are you holding the ladder?"
I should probably stop making jokes about 9/11.
My dad died to it, he was a great pilot.
Charli tries to roast me: Roses are red, violets are blue, and you look like poo.
Me: You must have been born on the highway because that's where most accidents happen.
An Indian guy and an American guy in a wheelchair met in a bar for drinks.
The American guy got drunk and fell on the sidewalk.
The Indian guy got drunk and walked away.
Ohhhh he said a bad word I'm tellin
My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.
What goes white, black, white, black, red?
A zebra falling down the stairs.
Don't you find it ironic that Kobe Bryant bounced his helicopter off the ground like a basketball?
What’s the best way to get a baby out of a blender? Tortilla Chips.
When your parents say, "We are sorry that you are here," what do you think of that?
I think that you're an accident!
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A school bus full of children.
There were two snakes slithering along when one snake said to the other snake, "Are we poisonous?" "Idk why?" The other snake responded, "'Cause I just bit my tongue!"
1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?
- A bus full of children.
2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
- He died of a yeast infection.
3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...
- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”
4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...
- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...
- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
You know you're fucked when the speed bump screams.
What did the helicopter say to the mountain?
Kobe.
Did you hear about the guy who got electrocuted?
It was quite a shocker.
My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.
Q. What gets longer if pulled, fits snugly between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, chokes people when used incorrectly, and works well when jerked?
A. A seatbelt.
A man walks into a bar... Oww!
I remember my grandad's last words: "Are you still holding the ladder?"