ur mom
HELP I'VE FALLEN AND I CANT GET UP!!!!
3 men walk into heaven at the same time. they all live in the same city. god asks the first man "how did you die?" the man says "I have a heart condition and iv'e been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. anyway I get how from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hang of the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guys fingers! he falls into a bush so I throw a refrigerator on him." God asks the next man "how did you die?" the man says I was cleaning the windows and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! luckily I fall safely in a bush! but then a refrigerator falls on me!" god asks the third man he says" I was the one in the fridge!"
What did the helicopter say Helicopter: Kobe
why couldn't the penguin cross the road?It was ran overđ§
What did Jenny get for her birthday after a car accident
An amputation
I accidentally walked on the lego batman mask.
I want my fucking feet back.
Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they're all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there's no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!â Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!â
Pooooooooooop
A guy goes to Starbucks and asksâHey, if I can make you laugh I donât have to pay.âThe girl in the window says,âok.âThe guys says,âA little boy named Timmy lost his arms.âThe girl says,â oh no!âThe guy saysâand his dad left him when he was 4.âThe girl says âuhh yeah.â The guy saysâOk,I guess Iâll be paying thenâ The girl asksâOk,And what name will that be under?âThe guy saysâTimmy,Iâm Timmy.â
A woman prayed to be a mother everyday for many years until she crossed a road without looking and got hit by a woman driver and died. When she met God she asked Him how come you didnt answer my prayers? God replied 'i did, i kept sending men to rape you but you kept on choosing to destroy my creations by having an abortion'
A 10 year old girl meets with her doctor. The doctor tells her âKatie, Iâm sorry to have to tell you that your parents didnât survive the accident. Sadly, our tests also show that you have early onset Alzheimerâs disease.â Katie replies âwell at least my parents will look after meâ
There was a person inside, who needed help from the police, but the police changed their number, so he ordered a party with pizzas from 2 airplanes, but the pilots were stupid so they put in people instead of pizzas, and one landed on the 93rd floor, and the 94th floor, literally.
Three Nuns died in a car crash, they went up to heaven at the pearly gates the gate keeper said this really should not have happened so I am going to send you back to earth as different people so tell me who you want to be or look like the first nun said I want to look like Madonna puff,,you look like her now and but you canât use her name And sent her down to earth. The second one said I want to look like Marilyn Monroe he then makes her look like her and sends her down to earth. The third nun I said I want to look like Sarah Pipalini. The gate keeper says to her, Sarah Pipalini who is that? she gives the gate keeper a newspaper article he reads it shakes his head no and says itâs not Sarah Pipalini it Sahara pipeline laid by 500 men.
A old lady told me to check her balance so I pushed her off the edge without knowing it was her cash she wanted to check so I died to help her
Have you heard about the blind man who saw the accident and the death man who heard it
Scoucer at ground zero just after the twin towers fell asks a passer by what time is it mate? American replys thats a mad accent were are you from ? Scoucer says liverpool american oh what state is that in? Scoucer looks around and says about the same state as this mate but what time is it?
a women wakes up in a hospital after a accident and yells "doctor doctor i cant feel my legs" and the doctor say "i know i amputated your arms"
A lawyer bought a beautiful yacht. He invited the law firm to come aboard for a great weekend. Saturday night was the candle light dinner and Sam drank too much, walked on the deck and fell over the rail into the water and was calling for help. Tom said, "Oh no the sharks will get him." All of the party lined along the rail and noticed the sharks were swimming around him in a circle. Jim said, the sharks are not even bothering him! And a shark lifted up his head out of the water and said, "Professional Courtesy."
My sister got in a car crash a couple days ago. When she got to the hospital, the doctor told her that she needed to get metal mechanics in her leg. She got really scared and yelled at the doctor telling them that, âI will not get those implanted in my leg.â I guess she just doesnât associate with knee gears.
