Accident jokes
Why did Sally drop her ice cream cone?
Because she got hit by a bus.
I was once friends with a schizophrenic emo. He tried high-fiving a tree, but it only left him hanging.
What is red, green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs?
...A girl scout that got hit by a car.
What’s worse than dropping your ice cream?
The Holocaust.
A science teacher got on the Space Shuttle Challenger after winning a contest out of 11,000 other teachers.
Imagine being one of the losing teachers in that contest, watching the Space Shuttle Challenger, and thinking, "Talking about dodging a bullet!"
Perfect
I was anonymous with the previous jokes. I will now go by "I can fly! *falls*."
What's black and white and red all over? A mime I hit with my car.
Boy: Why is my sister named Rose?
Dad: Someone threw a rose out of a car and it hit her in the head.
Boy: Okay, Dad.
Dad: No problem, Brick.
What’s the difference between a computer and Paul Walker? I give a crap when my computer crashes.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To cut through traffic.
I had bullies behind me on the street, but they were too fat and slow, so they got ran over by a truck that represents fat and slow.
I was at my drumming lesson and I accidentally dropped my drum stick when my sister made a terrible joke.
KA-DOOM-CHA!
People told Kobe to fly high. Look what happened.
Three blondes were walking on a path. The first blonde said, “Hey, look, there are deer tracks!” The second blonde said, “No way, those are totally duck tracks.” The third blonde said, “Nuh uh, those are...” Then they got hit by a train.
My aunt used to say, "Slow and steady wins the race." She died in a fire.
What do you get if a disabled person falls off a building? Mashed potatoes.
Who's the closest family member to Paul Walker?
Answer: The tree.
What's the fastest way to get to the hospital? Stand in the middle of the road.
What do you call it when a drunk cowgirl falls off her stool at the bar?
A hoedown.
An old lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her off the edge without knowing it was her cash she wanted to check, so I died to help her!
My uncle got really badly burned the other day.
They don't fuck around at the crematorium.