Accident jokes

What do you call an orphan in a wheelchair running into fire?

Hot wheels.

If you give a man a plane ticket, he will fly for a couple of hours, but if you push a man out of a plane, he will fly for the rest of his life :)

What do you call a bald person on fire?

A fried egg.

Have you heard about the blind man who saw the accident and the dead man who heard it?

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.

Man 1: I-I ran my mom over to get a stupid book.

Man 2: Aww, books aren't that bad. I'm sure she thinks you're a great son considering she can't drive anymore.

Man 1: She was in the road, and I was rushing to get the last copy of this book. She can't drive or do anything anymore.

I will always remember my grandpa's last words. "Shit, the ladder is falling!"

Yo mama so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.

Your mama is so fat that she doesn't get crushed by cars, she crushes cars and babies in strollers on the sidewalk when she falls and doesn't see any remains, so there is no evidence.

I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died.

“Are you still holding the ladder?”

So there's a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says, "Step on a crack and you break your mother's back." The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother's back breaking.

The little girl's father looks in terror, she then says, "Step on a line and you break your father's spine." The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out "OW MY SPINE!" The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.

Why is Ronan's forehead the size of Jupiter? Because he dropped the TV on his forehead. It also had rings.

Why is Jupiter's ring stuck in orbit? Because Ronan's forehead kept it stuck in orbit.

Snails are like sperm, slow and sloppy.

There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.

When Kobe's pilot hit the mountain, he said, "Kobe."

My friend was in a crash, so when he got put in a wheelchair, people bullied him, so I told him to stand up for himself.

Why did AlexDaEgg fall down the stairs? Because he is fat.

Why did the man get run over?

Ur mom XD

What is the opposite of Christopher Reeve?

Christopher Walken.

Today is sad. My sister got hit by a car, and I lost my license as a driver.

I heard Kobe was writing a book about helicopters, but it just wouldn't land with people...

I know, I'm going to hell!