Accident jokes
Kurt Cobain didn't mean to kill himself. He was just so high he thought the shotgun was a bong.
His lyrics are so ironic but so true. "I'm not coming back". "I swear I don't have a gun."
I only remember my father's last words before he died. He said, "Are you still holding the ladder?"
So, I took a poop outside. When I was done, I wiped and got it on my finger. After that, I had Nutella, and I thought the poop on my hand was Nutella, and I licked it. I said, "Daddy chill, what in the heck is this crap?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I accidentally sucked my own ball sack.
What's the worst part about hearing a special needs kid getting hit by a car?
Having to listen to the wheelchair scraping for a mile and a half.
Where did Sally go when the bomb went off?
Everywhere.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
Why do I love a block? Because I can fall off the stairs.
A Mexican runs into a wall, what hits first?
His lawnmower.
Why did the wall fall over?
A drunk driver hit it going 90mph and died.
Last week I found out my toaster is waterproof.
Kaj je pomaranča rekla, ko jo je povozil avto?
The other day, my girlfriend asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.
She still isn't talking to me.
What type of pizza did the 9/11 victims order? Two planes.
I heard Kobe was writing a book about helicopters, but it just wouldn't land with people...
I was walking down the street and saw a kid slip on a plum.
I look to my right and died of laughter because I did the same!
How do you name a disabled Asian?
Throw the wheelchair down the stairs.
When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.
What was the last thing that crossed Princess Diana's mind?
The steering wheel.
One time Little Johnny saw someone in his yard tying a rope to a tree, and he moved the stool and the tree broke. Little Johnny screamed, "HAHA! You're skinny enough to break the tree!"
Why did the blind man fall down a well?
Because he couldn’t see that well.