Accident jokes

Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun, but stupid Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

Sally has no arms. She fell off the swing. Why? Someone threw a fridge at her. AAHAHAAAHHAHAH!

My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car.

"How was your day?"

"It was great."

"What was so great about it?"

"I saw a puppy."

"Awww."

"And I ran over it :)"

What were Princess Diana's last words?

Have you been Dri...?

Why did the boy drop his ice cream?

He got hit by a bus.

Your forehead is so big, if you fell, you would knock out your whole state cold.

One day when I was driving around our children's school with my wife, she saw a speed bump. She told me to slow on it, and when I did, we heard a loud, long scream.

You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.

Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.

You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"

My sister gives her hamster to my brother since she thinks I'm irresponsible, so I throw it out the window.

Where was Stephen Hawking born?

Under a coconut tree.

One time my boyfriend and I were playing the tickle game and I tickled him on his thighs by accident, and I said, "Oh no, I am dead."

Then he started tickling me on my thighs up to my vagina, and then I moaned while laughing and told him, "STOP, please."

Then he said, "That's what I thought," and I was like, you cheated. He was like, "You first did it."

So he went to the restroom and pulled down his pants. Then I jumped on him and pulled his dick five times, and he screamed, and I quickly ran out and laughed. Then he ran to me, and I screamed, and he started eating my pussy and fingering me while I said, "Okay, okay, stop."

And he stopped and started sucking my boobs and giving me hickeys while I said, "Please stop," and then I pushed him off, and he turned me around and put his dick in my hole, and I said, "Owwwwwwww."

Then he said, "Play with me, I'll fuck you up."

I said, "Ughh," and slapped him.

What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?

A paraplegic after a house fire.

What is the difference between a plane and a helicopter?

A plane hits a building, but a helicopter hits the floor.

What's worse than throwing a baby off a cliff?

Catching it with a pitchfork.

We destroyed two boats, and they dropped the sun on us twice!

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Because she is a dumb b*tch!

I was making vegetable soup yesterday, but the wheelchair wouldn’t fit.

I saw a helicopter fly. Next minute, I knew Kobe was on the news.

I pushed the kid in the wheelchair down the hill, but before I did, I set his wheels on fire and called him "hot wheels."