New Accident Jokes - Page 43 - Worst Jokes Ever

So I added Paul Walker on Xbox the other day, and it’s annoying cause all he does is sit on the dashboard.

What do you call a toddler lying in the middle of the road? Speed bump.

Looks like he got stuck in a sticky situation.

Who's climbing the tree?..... Not Sarah.

Who is in hospital?.... Sarah.

Why did Susie fall off the swing?

She had no arms.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Not Susie.

I will always remember my grandpa's last words. "Shit, the ladder is falling!"

I asked my sister to get me a cup of fruit punch. I realized she was taking a bit so I walk to the kitchen and noticed that she spilled it on herself. I asked her, "How did you do that?" but there was no response.

What did Homer Simpson say when he ran over a deer? "DOE!"

I have a daughter; she’s a fan. Her name is Penny. Fan she was born on the mountain Pen y Fan. I adopted her because her mum fell off the cliff after birthing Penny. It doesn’t matter, really; Penny’s mum wasn’t a big fan of her anyway.

Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory?

Many soles were lost.

Why did Stephen Hawking die? ... Because he pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep."

I was watching my boyfriend's dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When I looked down, he appeared to be dead.

My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn't know what to do, so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waited for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said, "You know, your dog's been a little depressed lately..."

Q: What's black and white and red all over?

A: A nun falling down the stairs.

Where did Sally go when the explosion happened?

Everywhere!

When I try to eat, but I hurt my feet. When I using a hoe, but I hurt my toe. When I going to a doctor, but then I get trolled. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!

When I using a copper, but I enveloped by a hopper. When I trying to draw someone, but it ended up with a punishment. When I spit on a bunny, it jumps right on me. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!

When I growing older, someone called me a slacker. When I was 33, I bumped into a tree. When I getting angry, people calls me crazy lady. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!

A lawyer bought a beautiful yacht. He invited the law firm to come aboard for a great weekend.

Saturday night was the candle light dinner and Sam drank too much, walked on the deck and fell over the rail into the water and was calling for help. Tom said, "Oh no, the sharks will get him." All of the party lined along the rail and noticed the sharks were swimming around him in a circle. Jim said, "The sharks are not even bothering him!" And a shark lifted up his head out of the water and said, "Professional Courtesy."

Dad: My kid just said "butch," but since he is a kid, he said a bad word on accident.

*The next day*

Uncle: F*CK!

My car fell in a ditch today. Didn't want any more cars falling, so I put a car-pet over it.

5 Little Monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped his head. Momma called the doctor and the doctor said... "Wait, why are there mines all over the floor?"