Accident jokes
You were born on the highway. That's where all the accidents happen!
One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail mix.
I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut.
A twin engine has two engines.
If one engine stops, the other will have just enough power to get the plane to the scene of the accident.
What is long, yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
My friend Amir didn’t have the greatest driving record because of all the car crashes he got in. He only crashed his plane once in a building, so he had a much better flying record.
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N. Oh my gosh, I'm peeing on my shoe, no one knows about it yet!
Helen Keller walked into a bar, and a table, and chairs.
How did Sally get a free trip to Hawaii? She washed up on shore.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because someone booted her in the face. 🤣🤣
Person: I broke my arm in three places.
Doctor: Well, don't go to those three places then.
So I added Paul Walker on Xbox the other day, and it’s annoying cause all he does is sit on the dashboard.
What do you call a toddler lying in the middle of the road? Speed bump.
Looks like he got stuck in a sticky situation.
Who's climbing the tree?..... Not Sarah.
Who is in hospital?.... Sarah.
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Susie.
I will always remember my grandpa's last words. "Shit, the ladder is falling!"
I asked my sister to get me a cup of fruit punch. I realized she was taking a bit so I walk to the kitchen and noticed that she spilled it on herself. I asked her, "How did you do that?" but there was no response.
What did Homer Simpson say when he ran over a deer? "DOE!"
I have a daughter; she’s a fan. Her name is Penny. Fan she was born on the mountain Pen y Fan. I adopted her because her mum fell off the cliff after birthing Penny. It doesn’t matter, really; Penny’s mum wasn’t a big fan of her anyway.
Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory?
Many soles were lost.