It squirted in my eye, God dammit!
Boy: Why is my sister named Rose?
Dad: Someone threw a rose out of a car and it hit her in the head.
Boy: Okay, Dad.
Dad: No problem, Brick.
Last night I had a dream I was swimming in lemonade... turns out I peed the bed.
Two kids walked into a bar. They were covered with blood. The bartender asked what happened.
The youngest said, "Well, we were trying to paint our basement, but we threw the babies too hard!"
What did the girl say when she ran through the door?
Ouch.
The other day my computer crashed. Luckily, there were no injuries.
"I created the Human Torch."
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
He yelled, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"
The Doctor replies, "I know, I amputated your arms."
There was a little boy named Chris who was addicted to Roblox.
One day, his grandpa fell into a deep coma caused by a head injury.
One day, little Chris went to visit his poor grandpa. He brought his Windows 10 too, but it had no charge in it. After pulling out some wires and placing his into the wall, he started to hear a long beeping sound, but ignored it and continued to play Roblox. Chris's parents came and saw what had happened.
The dad then yelled, "You dumb f***, you killed my father!!!"
Then Chris said "Yeah. He was worth robucks, too."
Why did Jimmy drop his ice cream?
Because he was dead.
I hate it when I accidentally eat out my dog, lol.
A conductor was conducting a song. At the end, he threw his conductor's stick and killed someone. He was put to the electric chair, but nothing happened. They asked why he didn't die, and he replied, "I'm a bad conductor."
One day I was eating a banana, and one my friend was eating in the balcony, so I threw my banana on his balcony. He stepped on it, so he got slipped, and one yogi was passing by me, so my friend's banana fell on his head, and he got a very nice shining half-eaten banana choti on his golden smooth head.
Why did Sally get to go to Hawaii for free?
She washed up on the beach.
Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?
He got ran over by a bus.
I told my friend to fly a plane,
But he threw a ramp off a roof.
What's black, white, and red all over?
A bi-racial car wreck.
Why did I walk across the road?
To get hit by a car.
Why did the dog cross the road?
It didn't. Got hit by a car on the way to the other side.
Last night I slipped on a banana.
My friend said it was a-peeling!
