Accident jokes

What does Diana stand for?

Died In A Nasty Accident.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water. Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.

Please like this. I bet my friend 20 bucks that I would get to 15 likes before him.

"Why didn't the boy pick up his ice cream?" - Margaret

"Why?" - Depressed boy

"Because he got ran over." - Margaret

"I wish that was me." - Depressed boy

One day, a class of children were killed in a bus accident, but only some survived. One was praying that he would survive, and the other said, "First time?"

I don't like making Kobe jokes... they always crash and burn.

You know you're fucked when the speed bump screams.

Why are 9/11 victims the fastest readers?

They can go through 100 floors in 7 seconds.

I was visiting an orphanage and started to pull in close to the building. My car hit 3 speed bumps, and it caught me off guard. I got out of my car, looked under my tire, and saw three orphans wedged in my tire. I started to get worried, but then I thought to myself... nobody will miss them.

True story: my math teacher Mr. Ueberoth accidentally marked a Kahoot as 100 points in Google Classroom instead of 10. If he doesn't find out, the grades will be more hyperinflated than Zimbabwe's economy.

Suicide isn't a joke. It's called "parkour gone wrong."

Tony's wife got a divorce from Tony. She said she wanted to be an independent woman.

Days later, Tony's wife had an accident. Guess who's crawling back for help. 💀

My dog stepped on a bee, My child spilt my tea, I drank my hot tea, I broke my bloody knee, Now I'm lying in agony, And I'm devastated with no glee.

(Again, credits to my really funny friend)

If Kobe missed a shot, his helicopter will too.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and said, "Hot Wheels!"

My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.

Imagine if Joe Biden was elected for a second term.

He would be the first president to be assassinated by a slick bathtub.

What do you call a gay kid on fire?

I think Paul Walker and 9/11 jokes are great, but when I tell them to others, they tend to crash and burn.

A vampire goes to the bakery.

Vampire: "One bun, please."

Baker: "But you're a vampire, don't you need blood?"

Vampire: "Yes, there is an accident outside and I need something to dip."

What’s yellow and can’t swim?

A school bus full of children.