Accident

Accident jokes

I was visiting an orphanage and started to pull in close to the building. My car hit 3 speed bumps, and it caught me off guard. I got out of my car, looked under my tire, and saw three orphans wedged in my tire. I started to get worried, but then I thought to myself... nobody will miss them.

True story: my math teacher Mr. Ueberoth accidentally marked a Kahoot as 100 points in Google Classroom instead of 10. If he doesn't find out, the grades will be more hyperinflated than Zimbabwe's economy.

Tony's wife got a divorce from Tony. She said she wanted to be an independent woman.

Days later, Tony's wife had an accident. Guess who's crawling back for help. 💀

My dog stepped on a bee, My child spilt my tea, I drank my hot tea, I broke my bloody knee, Now I'm lying in agony, And I'm devastated with no glee.

(Again, credits to my really funny friend)

Imagine if Joe Biden was elected for a second term.

He would be the first president to be assassinated by a slick bathtub.

I think Paul Walker and 9/11 jokes are great, but when I tell them to others, they tend to crash and burn.

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  • A vampire goes to the bakery.

    Vampire: "One bun, please."

    Baker: "But you're a vampire, don't you need blood?"

    Vampire: "Yes, there is an accident outside and I need something to dip."

    What's the difference between the Twin Towers and the people at the old folks home?

    They both collapsed.

    When they say you live by the sword, you die by the sword, not in Paul Walker's case. He lived by the car, died by a tree. Well, I guess the car was stumped.

    This boy in my high school choir class had a decently big forehead, so I leaned in and said, "You know, if you painted an H on your forehead, maybe Kobe would've landed."

    A cement mixer has collided with a prison van. Motorists are asked to look out for 16 hardened criminals.

    I will never forget my grandfather's last words:

    "Can you hold the ladder correctly, damn it!"