Accident

Accident jokes

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My dog stepped on a bee, My child spilt my tea, I drank my hot tea, I broke my bloody knee, Now I'm lying in agony, And I'm devastated with no glee.

(Again, credits to my really funny friend)

Imagine if Joe Biden was elected for a second term.

He would be the first president to be assassinated by a slick bathtub.

I think Paul Walker and 9/11 jokes are great, but when I tell them to others, they tend to crash and burn.

A vampire goes to the bakery.

Vampire: "One bun, please."

Baker: "But you're a vampire, don't you need blood?"

Vampire: "Yes, there is an accident outside and I need something to dip."

What's the difference between the Twin Towers and the people at the old folks home?

They both collapsed.

When they say you live by the sword, you die by the sword, not in Paul Walker's case. He lived by the car, died by a tree. Well, I guess the car was stumped.

This boy in my high school choir class had a decently big forehead, so I leaned in and said, "You know, if you painted an H on your forehead, maybe Kobe would've landed."

A cement mixer has collided with a prison van. Motorists are asked to look out for 16 hardened criminals.

I will never forget my grandfather's last words:

"Can you hold the ladder correctly, damn it!"

Today I found out that my cat got hit by a car accident. Well, I guess I'm gonna play ninja fruits on my hands again. It's not like anyone will notice.

Person 1: “Hey, today was great!”

Person 2: “What happened?”

Person 1: “I ran into my ex today.”

Person 2: “What’s so great about that?”

Person 1: “I was in my car.”

What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?

I care when my computer crashes.