A little jokes

How do you make a tissue dance?

You put a little boogie in it.

I walked up to 2 people kissing and stared.

After a little while, they asked me if I minded. I said no, I don’t mind.

Every time someone calls you a little different, car? Just say, "No, I'm not."

What do a Catholic priest and an Olympic silver medalist have in common? A: They both come in a little behind.

You look like a cow went through puberty, put the milk before the cereal, then ate it with a fork with a little sprinkle of steak.

A big guy told the small guy, "Do you want a little pill because you look ill, or should I smash you?"

"Terrorist, that’s a little strong. We call them private militaries."

Your mum is a baby, huh? Not a little baby!

I just gotta come out and say it: I like miners, and I don’t care what y’all think. I mean the fact that they are risking their lives just to make ours a little easier is amazing. I’ve always wanted to marry one, to be honest. Y’all need to give more respect to the mining ⛏ community.

I hope you see this plugin, but if you're listening to this, I really want to give you a little more...

And to the parents of the lost boy named Timmy, we have found him, and now is your chance to make your escape. He really is a little shit, isn't he?

I’ll always remember my father’s last words: “I’m gonna sleep for a little.”

Orthodox Christians are a little slow; they take 13 days to get the joke. So go easy on them, alright?

Why couldn't the horse give out a speech?

Option one: Horses can't speak at all.

Option two: His voice was a little *hoarse*.

I once masturbated in the bathroom.

I was looking for something, for a little help.

Looked in the wardrobe and found something perfect.

I'LL NEVER SEE A TOOTHBRUSH THE SAME WAY AGAIN!

When Leicester City won the league in 2015/16, do you think there was a little lad in Africa running around with "Drinkwater" on his back, annoying the hell out of the locals?

How do rappers like their coffee?

With a little bit of RAP-PUCCINO.

My friend was getting bullied so I went over and asked him to stop. It went a little bit like this:

Me: Dude, leave her alone. Him: Beat it, b*tch. *lots of arguing and swearing* Me: Ya know! The smartest thing that ever came outta your mouth was probably a penis. Him: *walks away*

Two men are sitting at a coffee table.

Mike: "I think I might have a drinking problem."

Joe: "Why do you say that?"

Mike: "Well, last week I got so drunk I blew chunks."

Joe: "That's nothing to be ashamed of; we all drink a little too much sometimes."

Mike: "No, you don't understand. Chunks is my dog's name."

Friend: Hey, let me give you a little riddle. There's a table [for] four people who are supposed to sit [at]. There is you, me, Will, Mary. In which order will they sit?

Other friend: Uhm, you, me, Mary, and Will?

Friend 1: Nope, guess again!

Other friend: Okay, what about "Will you marry me?" Oh, wait...

Friend 1: Of course!!!! :D