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A little

A little jokes

Marriage

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"Father replied, "I don't know, son. I'm still paying."

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    • Politics

    A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense."

    The little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

    The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

    The little boy replies, "Well, while capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit."

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    • Woman

    A good woman is like a good cup of coffee, especially when it’s strong and hot with a little bit of cream in it.

    I took my pony to the vet because I thought he was making a funny noise when he neighed. The vet said everything was okay and he was just a little horse.

    Lemme tell you a little story.

    It’s night. You’re in your room, trying to sleep. But you keep hearing it—scratching. Soft at first. Like fingernails on wood. You tell yourself it’s rats, or the house settling. But it keeps going. Slow... then faster.

    So finally, you get outta bed. You get on your hands and knees, put your ear to the floor. And you hear it. A voice. Whispers. Crying.

    Your heart’s pounding. You grab a crowbar. You pry up the floorboards. One by one. Your sweat’s dripping into the dust. The noise gets louder.

    And finally... you peel back the last plank.

    And you see these eyes. Wide and terrified. And a pale little face staring up at you.

    BOOOOOOO!!!!

    It’s Anne Frank.

    This guy goes to a bar and pulls out a little guy playing the piano. The bartender asks him where he got a small man with a piano.

    The guy points outside to a genie granting people wishes. The bartender runs out and 1 million ducks appear.

    The bartender yells at the genie saying, “Are you fucking deaf? I asked for 1 million bucks, not 1 million bucks!”

    The guy from the bar says, “No shit! You think I really asked for a 12-inch pianist?”

    A Russian, a Cuban, and an Englishman are on a ship. The Russian takes a swig of vodka and throws the bottle overboard. The Cuban and Englishman with astonishment say to the Russian, "What did you do that for?"

    The Russian says, "In Russia, we got an unlimited supply of vodka."

    A little while later, the Cuban lights up a cigar, takes a puff, and throws it overboard. The Cuban says, "We got an unlimited supply of Cuban Cigars in Cuba."

    Then the Englishman grabs a Paki and throws him overboard...

    A little known rule: You cannot be circumcised if you are running for political office in the US.

    You need to be a complete dick.

    Two men are sitting at a coffee table.

    Mike: "I think I might have a drinking problem."

    Joe: "Why do you say that?"

    Mike: "Well, last week I got so drunk I blew chunks."

    Joe: "That's nothing to be ashamed of; we all drink a little too much sometimes."

    Mike: "No, you don't understand. Chunks is my dog's name."

    In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

    I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

    I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

    She said, "He was a little tardy."

    I replied to her, "I thought they all were."

    I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

    I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

    She said, "She was a little tardy."

    I asked her, "I thought they all were."

    I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.

    It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!

    What does a gynecologist and delivery driver have in common?

    Whenever they’re hungry, they can just scrape a little cheese off the top of the box.

    A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.”

    “Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”