My friend asked, "What's that on your arm?" I replied, "Oh this, I didn't have enough storage on my phone to download Fruit Ninja so I had to improvise a little bit."
I saw a little kid crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working at an orphanage.
I accidentally drank a little food coloring last night. I ended up dying inside.
Asian pregnancy test: Stick a Rubik cube into vagina. Wait 30 seconds, if it's solved then there's a little Asian in there.
A little boy and a little girl are taking a bath together. The little girl looks down at the boy and says, "Can I touch it?". The little boy looks back at her and says, "Hell no, you already broke yours off!".
I just watched a documentary about Adolf Hitler.
He sure was a popular guy. Everywhere he went, people shouted “Hi Hitler” and gave him a little wave.
Me telling my parents im depressed: my parents, " no, ur just a little stressed and want attention, am i right?" My depression worsoning, me: " ya ur totally right mom..." Me in my head making a plan to commit suicide.....
A pedophile and a little boy are walking into the woods late at night.
The little boy says, "I'm scared."
The pedophile says, "You think you're scared? I have to walk back alone!"
A teacher asked his students a math question.
"You have one dollar. Your parents give you five dollars. How much money do you have?"
After some thinking, about half the class raised their hands. The teacher called on a little girl in the front.
"One dollar!" she said.
Why do pedophiles never win a race?
Because they are always coming in a little behind.
Why can’t Michael Jackson ever win in a race? Because he always comes in a little behind.
People are like potatoes.
We may look different, but we all taste the same with a little ketchup.
Whats the difference between a Silver Medal and a Priest?
They both came in a little behind.
If a special ed kid is late to class is it ok to call me a little tardy?
a little boy decided to burn a house down. the father put his arm around his wife, tears in his eyes, saying, "thats arson"
I went to the shooting range the other day after a while I realized I was the only one there so I decided to go home and saw on the news that there was a mass school shooting and there were reporters on the scene, man I knew I should have stayed around a little longer.
If a midget with down syndrome shows up late for work, is it okay to say she's a little tardy?
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke marijuana, Jack got high pulled down his fly and ask if she wanna, Jill said yes and pulled up her dress and had a little fun, stupid Jill forgot the pill now they have a son
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? -- One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
When I'm bored, I go into an elevator with a full duffle bag. Once people come in and the door closes I zip open the bag a little bit and whisper to it "I'll get you some food once we get off"
