Back
A little

A little jokes

I just watched a documentary about Adolf Hitler.

He sure was a popular guy. Everywhere he went, people shouted “Hi Hitler” and gave him a little wave.

  • 2

    • A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

    I once masturbated in the bathroom.

    I was looking for something, for a little help.

    Looked in the wardrobe and found something perfect.

    I'LL NEVER SEE A TOOTHBRUSH THE SAME WAY AGAIN!

    It would be pretty funny if something that's not a joke was the most liked thing. It would be pretty funny, I think, lol. Just a little funny, lol.

    Bully: Ur momma so fat that the whales said we are family even though you are a little bigger than us.

    Nerd: Yo momma so ugly that when she went in the bathtub, the water jumped out.

    Silence...................punch!

    I'm gonna eat a hell of a lot of popcorn kernels before I die just to make the cremation a little more interesting.

    Why did the woman want a boyfriend at least 2 🦶 taller?

    So she could feel like a little girl and fulfill her rape fantasy.

    One day, a little girl was texting her friend. "Guess what, Angelica!" said the little girl.

    "What?" Angelica replied.

    "I'm a guy."

    A little girl asks her mum, "Mummy how was I born?"

    Her mother smiled and replied: "Once upon a time, your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth, and I took care of it every single day."

    "The seed slowly grew more and more leaves, and in a few months it turned into a beautiful, healthy plant. So me and Daddy took the plant, dried it, smoked it and got so high that we fucked without a condom!"

    Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke a little leaf.

    Jack got high and dropped his fly, and Jill said "Where’s The beef?"

    When you accidentally wipe a little too hard and your finger goes up your bumhole, triggering flashbacks of when you were 10 and your uncle stayed a few weeks. 😂

  • 2

    • So do you guys know those waterslides that you stand in, and then they suddenly drop you straight down onto the water slide? If not, look them up on YouTube, there's nothing like them.

    Ah yes, the sweet memories of my first time on one of these. I feel that my mental/emotional scars have healed enough to tell this gem.

    At the time my girlfriend, now Fiancée, worked as a photographer for one of those resorts with the indoor and outdoor water parks. One of her perks was that her and a family member/friend could get into the waterpark for free, so one hot summer day she had off and we both decided it'd be fun to go there and cool down for the day.

    While we were there, I discovered one of there most "Thrilling" looking waterslides. Basically you stand in this tube, and then the slide operator presses a button and this slide drops you straight down a good 90 FEET, before you actually start going down the water slide. Me, being a thrill seeker, of course had to try it. So I made the great climb up to the top of the slide, stood in line, and finally it was my turn. Once I got in the tube, the operator told me to keep my legs crossed. Now I'm a pretty big heavy guy, so I was like "That's uncomfortable as fuck, I'm not doing that."

    So there I was standing in the tube, having a panic attack from anticipation, with my legs not crossed. The operator finally presses the button, the bottom opens and I fall straight down the water slide. Very quickly I realized why they have you cross your legs. Water shot so far up my ass, so fast, I swear I tasted it in my mouth. My body raced down that slide, as I questioned every life choice that I have ever made.

    Once I made it to the bottom, I sat there for a moment, absolutely violated. I felt like someone in an episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. I built up the courage to finally stand up, and all I could feel was the nice warm stream of water mixed with shit, and maybe a little bit of blood shoot out of my ass faster than the Steamboat Geyser at Yellowstone National Park. I quickly got off the slide and ran to the bathroom, with a trail of shitty water tailing me as the slide operator stared in awe. They had to shut down the slide for the rest of the day :'), but man was my asshole clean after that!

    Moral of the story: Keep your damn legs crossed on waterslides.

    Same thing goes when you are at bible study with a handsy priest.

    My friend was getting bullied so I went over and asked him to stop. It went a little bit like this:

    Me: Dude, leave her alone. Him: Beat it, b*tch. *lots of arguing and swearing* Me: Ya know! The smartest thing that ever came outta your mouth was probably a penis. Him: *walks away*

    A big guy told the small guy, "Do you want a little pill because you look ill, or should I smash you?"

    There was a little kid crying in the park today. I asked him where his parents were. Now I realize, man, I love my job.