Worst Jokes Ever
God: “Steven, join us.”
*sees the staircase to heaven*
Steven: “Shit.”
What’s the difference between a dumpster full of dead babies and a Lamborghini?
I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Little Timmy wanted to take a shower with his dad. His dad said, "Don't look down." Timmy looked down. Timmy said, "What's that?" Timmy's dad said, "That's Mr. Wiggles." Timmy wanted to take a shower with his mom. Timmy's mom said, "Don't look down." Timmy looked down. Timmy said, "What's that?" Timmy's mom said, "That's my garden." Timmy's mom said, "Don't look up." Timmy looked up. Timmy said, "What are those?" Timmy's mom said, "Those are her headlights." Timmy wanted to sleep with his parents. His parents said, "Don't look under the covers." Timmy looked under the covers. Timmy yelled, "MOMMY, MOMMY, MR. WIGGLES IS ATTACKING YOUR GARDEN! TURN ON YOUR HEADLIGHTS!"
What was the last thing to run through Osama bin Laden's mind? Probably a bullet.
How do trees calculate square roots? They use log-arithms.
So, I was fucking this bitch, right, and I thought I had AIDS.
So I go and get tested. Turns out I did get AIDS. Now what I'm wondering is where the hell does an eight-year-old get AIDS?! I guess my sister needs new friends...
A doctor walks up to a dying man and sadly says: "I'm sorry, the test shows you only have 10 more to live."
The man says "10!? 10 what!? Years? Weeks? Days? What?!!?"
The doctor calmly replies "Nine".
My friend's mother thought a kid who had autism and Down syndrome called him a "double down."
How do you fit 100 babies in a bowl? A blender.
How do you get them out? Tortilla chips.
Why did the sperm cross the road?
To fuck the chicken.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One says to the other, "I blew like 20 bucks in there!"
When you send nudes to your Roblox gf and your uncle’s phone sounds with a text tone...
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he's drinking a magical drink. He asks, "What's so magical about it?" The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.
The bartender shakes his head and says, "Y'know, you're a real jerk when you're drunk, Superman."
What type of pizza did the 9/11 victims order? Two planes.
My cat got in a fight. It was a catastrophe.
Why did Stephen Hawking's wife get annoyed with him?
He had an affair with Alexa.
Yo mama like a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everybody’s pants.
What do Chinese people order: noodles in bed with some fried cat?
If you shoot at a school of fish, could you call it a school shooting?
What's the difference between Fortnite and PUBG?
I don't know.