Worst Jokes Ever
The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”
No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?”
Little Mary’s mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, “Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!”
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, “Anybody?”
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, “The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.”
Mrs. Parks said, “Very good, Billy,” then turned to Mary and continued.
“As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn’t read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.”
How do you get a retard out of a tree?
Wave at them.
How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
Give him a tampon and ask him what period it came from.
How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist.
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.”
The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”
The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”
Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.
Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”
The teacher sat down and cried.
Has Covid-19 forced you to wear glasses and a mask at the same time?
You may be entitled to condensation.
COVID-19 is like pasta.
Asians invented it, Italians spread it.
The worst comedians take 9 months to make a joke. Then they spend the rest of their lives trying to forget it.
A deaf couple wants to know when to have sex.
The wife says, "If you want to have sex, squeeze my tits once. If you don't want to have sex, squeeze my tits twice."
The husband says, "OK, if you want to have sex, pull my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull my dick 437 times."
There is a lot of difference between a man and a woman saying, "I went through a whole box of tissues watching that movie."
What kind of animal makes a good bottle opener?
A male Duck on Viagra.
Osama bin Laden rated America.
He gave us a 9/11.
I went to the pharmacy the other day. I tried to buy a pack of condoms, but I pretended I didn't have enough money to mess with the cashier.
I went back into the aisles of the store, got a pack of rubber bands and plastic wrap, bought them, and walked out. I loved the look on the cashier's face when they saw my decision.
Cheap oil, no immigration, and no school shootings.
Corona did what Trump promised.
I wasn't going to tell another emo joke, but I didn't want to leave anyone hanging.
Me yelling every gay slur to get suspended.
I’m in catholic school.
A woman is slightly drunk, watching a video, when she yells at the screen, "Don't go into that church you dumb bitch!"
Her husband asks, "What are you watching?"
"Our wedding video."
The best part about Asian jokes is that the only people that can be offended can't see the jokes.
What’s the difference between a feminist and a suicidal vest?
A suicidal vest actually works when triggered.
What's the difference between Hitler and Usain Bolt?
One actually finished a race.