Worst Jokes Ever
I'm starting to wish my grass was emo.
Why?
So it would cut itself.
I hate these double standards.
If you burn a body at a crematorium you're "doing a good job". If you do it at home you're "destroying evidence".
There's a movie about constipation. It hasn't come out yet.
Two men are hunting. One asks: "Did you ever hunt bear?" The other one answers: "No, but one time I went fishing in my shorts."
You know what the yin and yang looked like before Martin Luther King Jr.?
There was none, it was all white!
Q: What's the difference between me and cancer?
A: My dad didn't beat cancer...
Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.
Not done yet.
Now they are.
What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and the Statue of Liberty? The statue stands for something.
To the guy asking what joy I find in suicide jokes, the answer is simple. I make suicide jokes to cope with my crippling depression. Must be working, cause I'm still here.
What's the difference between a man and a table?
The table doesn't cry when I break its legs.
Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us?
Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Son: Why?
Dad: To get to the other side, but your mother only made it about halfway.
What do you call a duck on drugs?
A quackhead.
How did Helen Keller's mom punish her? She put her in a circular room and told her to find the corner.
There's nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to Disneyland, I wanna live longer."
What's the difference between putting a baby and a pizza in an oven?
The pizza doesn't scream in the oven.
What is a terrorist's DJ name?
Osama Spin Laden.
Dropping beats like the Twin Towers.
What is black and white and red all over?
JFK
The more suicidal people there are, the fewer suicidal people there are.
In life, it’s either yeet or get beat, and I clearly failed yeeting as a child, as my dad beat me.