Worst Jokes Ever
After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park.
Lord: "Has something happened while I was gone?"
Gardener: "Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burying your dog."
Lord: "My dog died?!"
Gardener: "Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down."
Lord: "My mansion?! How?!"
Gardener: "Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains."
Lord: "Why was she so distraught?"
Gardener: "She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped."
Lord: "My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?!"
Gardener: "Oh right! Your cancer test results!"
So Paul Walker made a rap cover. It is called "Straight Out of Windshield."
A skeleton goes sky diving. Doesn't come back in one piece.
Chuck Norris gets pulled over by a cop, and the cop gets a ticket.
What’s the difference between 911 and an abortion?
With 911 there was a victim to tell the tale.
We need more women in the military! They can bleed for weeks and still not die!
If an illegal immigrant fights against a child molester, would that be "Alien vs Predator"?
Well, tell her that Halloween is the best holiday because you can hide Easter eggs under the Christmas tree while eating a big Thanksgiving turkey.
I was going to kill myself, but in the end, it doesn't even matter.
Is it bad to hit an orphan?
It's not like they'll tell their parents.
What do you call a funny cow?
A cowmedian.
I'd tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I only remember the punch line.
What does it take to paint a wall red? Kurt Cobain and his shotgun.
What's one thing gay people can't draw?
A straight line.
What's the difference between you and Jesus? Your parents remember Jesus's birth date.
Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, GET IN THE VAN!
Q: When and where was the biggest BBQ ever?
A: Hiroshima, Japan 1946.
*bowl of dark grapes*
Friend 1: I like my grapes how I like my men.
Friend 2: Black? Good one.
Friend 1: 21 at a time.
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"It's nice, but can it pick up peanuts?"
*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."
Person 2: "Probably Bullets."
Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"
Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."
Person 1: "...."
Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."