Worst Jokes Ever
Cremation,
The last chance for a smoking hot body.
What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?
He wipes his ass.
What do you call a 5-year-old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
What if you put a scared homosexual guy and an angry homophobic guy inside a stable?
Hmm, let's see, if the homosexual guy has some good luck, maybe he will meet a super unicorn and help him out to defeat the angry homophobic guy :D
The twin towers are like genders, there used to be two of them.
A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, "If you're happy and you know it..."
The room was full of arm amputees.
Why did the family get mad at the boy for eating at the funeral?
While trying to season his food, he mistook his cremated grandfather for salt.
It's said Duracell batteries are supposed to last 75 years, well Stephen, here you are.
What is the difference between a frog and a horny toad?
One says “Ribbit, Ribbit” and the other says “Rub it, Rub it”.
If you're ever bored, just rape an orphan! What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
What makes suicide illegal?
Getting caught.
What do you do when your baby starts screaming?
Use more lube.
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.
“Correct,” says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack’s pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” she shouts.
“Correct again,” says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?”
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I’m going to crack it in half!”
What did Freddie Mercury use to improve his hearing?
Hearing AIDS.
When we were visiting the Hoover Dam, I started to get a bit hungry. I asked my parents, "Where's the dam snack bar?"
Hey God, what are you making?
Just a wooden stick that lights on fire.
Sounds like a match made in heaven.
God: “Steven, join us.”
*sees the staircase to heaven*
Steven: “Shit.”
What’s the difference between a dumpster full of dead babies and a Lamborghini?
I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Little Timmy wanted to take a shower with his dad. His dad said, "Don't look down." Timmy looked down. Timmy said, "What's that?" Timmy's dad said, "That's Mr. Wiggles." Timmy wanted to take a shower with his mom. Timmy's mom said, "Don't look down." Timmy looked down. Timmy said, "What's that?" Timmy's mom said, "That's my garden." Timmy's mom said, "Don't look up." Timmy looked up. Timmy said, "What are those?" Timmy's mom said, "Those are her headlights." Timmy wanted to sleep with his parents. His parents said, "Don't look under the covers." Timmy looked under the covers. Timmy yelled, "MOMMY, MOMMY, MR. WIGGLES IS ATTACKING YOUR GARDEN! TURN ON YOUR HEADLIGHTS!"
What was the last thing to run through Osama bin Laden's mind? Probably a bullet.