Why did Stephen Hawking die so soon?
Because his misses bought the wrong batteries.
Worst Jokes Ever
If you were a room in my house, I’d make you the basement.
So I could put kids inside you.
Your mom is so weak, when she jumped from the Twin Towers, her baby became disabled.
Most orphans were born on the highway. It’s where most accidents [happen].
Is it me, or was 9/11 too plane? I thought it would be more exciting.
What is the difference between an emo kid and a jug of milk?
The milk doesn't hang itself after it gets dumped.
You're in Australia. Your forehead is the reason why Africa is so hot.
Why did the towers fall? Because someone in Call of Duty hijacked the planes and crashed them into it.
An emo girl and a squirrel both fall out of a tree. Who hits the ground first? The squirrel. The rope stops the emo girl.
It’s amazing just how paranoid Hitler was.
In Hitler’s Germany, it was illegal to make jokes about him or his regime.
Come on! Forbidding Germans from making jokes? Isn’t that a bit like forbidding Americans from eating salad?
I have returned. Anyways, what do you call it when you're actually in Panera Bread, being in Panera Bread?
The doctor said I would make it, but then Spider-Man came in holding a PS5.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Cabbage.
Cabbage who?
Cabbage doesn’t have a last name.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Broccoli.
Broccoli who?
Broccoli hasn’t got a surname!
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Goliath.
Goliath who?
I need to Goliath down and sleep!
Q: What do you call a blind German man?
Q: A not-see (Nazi).
What's a terrorist's favorite car? A Porsche 9/11.
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common? There used to be two of them, but now it's a sensitive subject.
Doctor: I’m sorry, I can’t see you today.
Orphan: Oh, how about tomorrow?
Doctor: No, I can’t ever see you.
Orphan: Why?
Doctor: Because I’m a family physician.
My mom: Your life could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer.
Me: I wish I were Tracy Latimer, then someone would kill me.
