Worst Jokes Ever
Why can’t Helen Keller jump out of an airplane?
It scares the shit out of her dog.
Why does a queen have more mobility than the king in chess?
Because the board looks like a kitchen floor.
"Lettuce" stop making vegetable puns. We don't carrot all about them and they're not a-peas-ing.
Dagger. This is to get your attention, for Dagger Jr. and I. We'd like to speak with you, and possibly Lynx, if we can find a time to all talk.
How do you know you’re ugly?
If you always get handed the camera for group photos.
What does a nearsighted gynaecologist and a puppy have in common?
Wet noses.
Kid #1: You're adopted.
Kid #2: At least they wanted me.
Kid #1: Did your real parents want you?
Your mum so fat that when she sat down she said, "Why are there so many people under me?"
I was outside digging a six-foot hole when I found a treasure box with jewels and shiny gems! I almost went inside to tell my wife, then I remembered why I was digging the hole.
I told my mom I'm happy and she said: "I didn't know you were gay."
What is the most awkward moment when Helen Keller is playing pin the tail on the donkey?
Her friends aren’t sure whether to blindfold her.
What do you call AG?
A beta male.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
9/11.
9/11 who?
[pause] You said you’d never forget.
My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"
Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.
LYNXXXXXXX!
Why are Americans so bad at Clash Royale?
They already lost two towers.
Grandma: Most people your age have a family and are married. Why aren’t you?
Grandchild: Most your age are dead. Why aren’t you?
90% of women don't like men in pink shirts. Ironically, 90% of men in pink shirts don't like women.
I'm as straight as a rainbow.
Regular depressed person: I'm depressed, so I'll go see a therapist.
Me: I'm depressed, so I won't do anything about it, work on many projects at the same time, destroying my sanity slowly while relying on caffeine and pills as my only way to take down my headaches, and making memes about it online to help myself cope with the pain.