Worst Jokes Ever
*Loud explosion inside the tank*
"Where's the commander?" "He's gone." "Where has he gone?" "All over the place."
Why is a tree brown?
If you are thinking about this, you are racist.
What do apples and witches have in common? They both hang on trees.
Who reads the fastest?
The pilot of the plane who hit one of the twin towers. He took out 83 stories in one go.
What did Adam say when he saw Eve?
Answer: "Woman!"
Science flies you to the moon.
Religion flies you into towers.
Why shouldn't you tell a secret in a corn field?
Because they are full of ears!
Now that was a corny joke.
And yes, it was rather a-maize-ing.
A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.
The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."
The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."
What did the mute man tell the blind man?
Nothing.
What do you call an idiotic cow?
A mis-steak!
What is sprinkled around the Pokémon floor? Oh right. Ash's ashes.
A husband walks into his house to find his wife watching Gordon Ramsay's F-king cooking show!
Husband: "Stop watching that f-king sh*t! You can't cook to save your life!"
Wife: "So what?! You watch porn, don't you?!"
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To die.
What's the darkest point in the universe?
The inside of a KFC.
What does Earl Bradley and an Xbox have in common?
They both get turned on by children.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Cakatoo."
"Cakatoo who?"
"So, you're a Rooster now?"
Why does Mexico not have an Olympic team? Because everyone who can run, jump, and swim is already in America.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite childhood song? "The wheels on the chair go round and round....."
what's the difference between a baby and a trampoline? the trampoline doesn't cave in when i jump on it.
There's a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run.