Worst Jokes Ever

A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships.

Apparently, "in HD" wasn't a good answer.

I saw two men wearing the same clothing and walking together, so I asked both of them if they were gay. They did not hesitate arresting me after I said that.

Did you hear about the monkeys that share an Amazon account? They were prime mates.

What do you call an abortion in a bathtub?

Chunky Tomato Soup.

What is a priest's favorite song?

-- Magic Flute in A minor.

Girl: "How do you feel about abortion?"

Dad: "Ask your sister."

Girl: "I don't have a..."

Wanna hear a good joke?

My dad’s love for me.

A gay couple actually goes to heaven. Turns out Jesus was a hypocrite.

My family loves to have dance parties. My dad will just play music from his iPod, and I'll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect. Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing! It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since the doctor recently diagnosed him with epilepsy.

What is a pedophile's favorite song?

Jerking off in A minor.

Teacher: Don’t run into the road!

Down syndrome: Weeeeee!

Teacher: Lol, now he’s a mashed potato.

Random person: Imma smack you so hard your skin pigment changes!

Me: Who the hell do you think you are? Michael Jackson’s dad?

My family is like a cactus; a bunch of pricks.

I asked the doctor doing my prostate exam where I should put my pants. "Next to mine" was not the answer I was expecting.

A Mexican was doing a magic trick. He said, "uno, dos," then disappeared without a trace.

What's Al Qaeda's favorite football team?

New York Jets.

What's the difference between Hitler and a feminist?

At least Hitler actually did something.

One man's trash is another man's treasure... Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you're adopted.

Everything disappears in the Bermuda Triangle.

Except my depression.

The Toaster, otherwise known as the ultimate bath bomb.