Worst Jokes Ever
What's the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?
A painting only takes one nail to be hanged.
Is sex a joke? Because I don't get it.
Some people are like a software update. When I see them I think, "Not now."
What do you call a wife who knows where her husband is at all times?
A widow.
What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
Cancer.
How do you know if your wife is dead?
Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.
Why did Marx never drink Earl Grey?
Because proper tea is theft.
What do you call a group of letters that like to dance but make you want to poop?
A vowel movement.
What do you call a nervous Jedi?
Panakin.
Did you hear about the guy who got a tattoo of an octopus?
He got inked up.
I was asked to give a bicycle joke, but I couldn't...
I was two tired.
What do you call a Muslim who owns 6 goats? -- A pimp.
What do you call a restaurant that sells food that contains weed?
McBongald's.
What's even funnier than throwing a baby off a building?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number. You answered the wrong telephone.
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's Secret.
If Chuck Norris was a Spartan in the movie 300, the movie would be called 1.
God said, "Let there be light." Chuck Norris said, "You have to say please first."
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He just stares them down and gets the information he wants.
What sound does a 747 make when it bounces?
Boeing boeing boeing.