Worst Jokes Ever
I've decided to marry a pencil. I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.
Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So, they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
There's 10 kind of people in the world. Those who know binary and those who don't.
Where do the Borg eat fast food?
Borger King.
3.14% of sailors are...
π-rates.
A cop stopped a guy for speeding.
He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
"I was trying to keep up with traffic," the guy replied.
The cop said, "But there is no traffic."
And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."
I won the lottery for a million dollars today, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.
I now have $999,999.75.
My boyfriend came over today and stole my milk. How dairy!
Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, "Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site."
English is weird. It can be understood through tough, thorough thought, though.
What do you call a Communist sniper? -- A Marxman.
How many animals can jump higher than a skyscraper? -- All of them, skyscrapers can't jump.
19 and 20 had a fight. 21.
I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
4, 6, 8, and 9 have all been killed. 2, 3, 5, 7, and 11 are the prime suspects.
A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!"
The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"
What's green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you?
A pool table.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? -- Because he can't do stand up.
Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?
Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.
What starts with e, ends with e, and only contains one letter? -- An envelope.