What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? -- Meals on wheels.
Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call disabled people in a hot tub? -- Vegetable soup.
Marriage is like a deck of cards.
In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond.
By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.
How do you get a nun pregnant? -- Dress her up as an alter boy.
Yo mama so fat, when she walked by the TV, I missed three episodes.
Yo mama so fat, she got baptized at SeaWorld.
Yo mama so fat, even Bob the Builder said, "We can't fix that!"
Yo mama so fat, you must refuel twice to run over her with a car.
Chuck Norris uses elevators only in case of fire.
What is Donald Trump’s favorite nation? – Discrimination.
When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he's pushing the Earth down.
A vampire walks into a bar and orders a cup of hot water. The bartender asks, "I thought you guys only drink blood?"
The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, "I'm making tea."
Science flies you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde, and an old lady are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard, and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.
The old lady thinks, "I bet that dirty Frenchman fondled the blonde, and she struck the pervert."
The blonde thinks, "I bet that filthy Frenchman was looking to grope me in the dark, mistook the old lady for me, and she slapped him."
The Frenchman thinks, "I bet that perfidious Englishman touched up the blonde in the dark, and she slapped me by mistake."
The Englishman thinks, "I can't wait for another tunnel so I can slap that French twat again."
What's the number one pick up line at a gay bar?
"May I push your stool in?"
Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
An old teacher asked her student, "If I say, 'I am beautiful,' which tense is that?" The student replied, "It is obviously past."
What is the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? -- Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.
What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? - Their balls are just for decoration.
Yo mama so fat she sat on an iPhone and turned it into an iPad.
