What's the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? The hockey player showers after 3 periods.
Worst Jokes Ever
Apparently, Monica Lewinsky didn't vote for Hillary Clinton this election. She said the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.
What does a robot do at the end of a one night stand? -- He nuts and bolts.
I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
What did the Indian boy say to his mother as he left for school? -- "Mumbai!"
How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? -- One. They are efficient and don't have humor.
I was very lonely so I bought some shares. -- It's nice to have a bit of company.
I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says.
Which makes me an eighth-theist.
What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs?
One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.
What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?
It was given two consecutive sentences.
Why does Bill Clinton wear boxers? -- To keep his ankles warm.
Some day, Canada will take over the world. -- And then we'll all be sorry.
Why did Beethoven have trouble finding a music teacher? Because his teacher was Haydn.
Why couldn't a lifeguard save the hippie? -- Because he was too far out, man.
I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but I couldn't find a manual.
There was a blackout in my neighborhood last night. The police told us to stay inside until they shot him.
What is black and sits at the top of the stairs? -- Steven Hawking after a house fire.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? -- Meals on wheels.
What do you call disabled people in a hot tub? -- Vegetable soup.
