Worst Jokes Ever
I just saw people writing "Zoophile," "Ailurophile," and "Dendrophilia" in their bios. I thought this was cool, but when I wrote "Necrophile" and "Pedophile," I don't know why people started hating me as if I did something wrong. I was just trying to be cool like them, man.
What did Donald Trump serve to Justin Trudeau at a state dinner?
Poutine with Russian dressing!
Why did the Secret Service detain Johnny Depp at the White House?
Because he was about to kick the cabinet.
I always keep anti-fungal spray with me... because I don't want to share my girlfriend with anyone.
Right, I have a dog and his name is Syndrome, and whenever he is good, I go "Good Syndrome," but whenever he is naughty, I go "Down Syndrome."
Organise my brother's bucks party and got confused when he asked for a hot 22 year old for I brought him 20 two yr Olds....
Good thing my brother's a little bit different.
How do you know Johnny Depp finished his meal?
When you see fifty empty bottles of wine on his front doorstep.
How many white guys does it take to screw a lightbulb?
None. They hire me to do it.
There's a new game in the arcade where kids can hit raging paedophiles with a mallet: Whack-A-Jack, oh!
What’s a Mexican's favorite sport?
Cross-country.
This girl came to me and said, "I got raped in my sleep!"
I replied, "I done it as a joke."
-April 1, 2020
I now know what my first tattoo should be, zebra stripes! Not like anyone would know the difference between them.
What do you call a Chinese man with a camera?
Phill Ming.
What's the difference between Paul Walker's car and a petite white girl?
There is no difference.
They both got split open by a huge log.
What did the lettuce say when she is popping the champagne?
If I'm racist for voting Trump, then you're a pedophile for voting Biden.
A man is driving down the road and runs over a rabbit. He slams on his brakes, gets out, and walks up to the flattened bunny. The bunny is obviously expired.
A passing car slams on its brakes and screeches to a halt. The driver of that car runs up to the bunny, pulls out an aerosol can, and sprays the bunny with the aerosol spray. The bunny jumps up, runs a few feet, then stops, turns around, and waves its paw at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. He continues to do this until he’s out of sight.
The first driver looks at the man with the aerosol can and says, “Wow, that is amazing! What is in that can?” The man looks at the can and reads the label, “Hair restorer, with a permanent wave.”
What do you call a website that openly encourages racist posts?
While undressing a woman, she told me she has AIDS. I told her she can't catch it twice, but she still kept screaming.
What did the woman on the beach say to Michael Jackson? Hey, get out of my sun!