Worst Jokes Ever
I know what I want to be for Halloween! A pumpkin! I'm very good at carving into myself, after all.
What’s the difference between jail and my basement?
Some people are let out of jail.
Joe Mama so fat, she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl!
If you slit your wrist while crying in pain, that's self-harm.
If you slit your wrist but have no expression, that's acting.
It isn't any of those if it's suicide.
What's the best thing about Alzheimer's?
You can hide your own Easter Eggs!
How many times does Ariana Grande knock at the door?
She doesn’t, she just uses 7 rings.
"Mum, I just won this phone in a race!"
"Who was in the race?"
"The owner of the phone. And the police. I think they're at the door to congratulate me!"
I started an emo salsa band. We're called Hispanic at the Disco.
What is Hitler's favorite book? "Hitler and the chamber of secrets."
The wine taster at an old vineyard died. A homeless guy, looking ragged and dirty, came to apply. He persuaded the manager to give him a try.
The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped, and spit. “It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels,” he said. "Impressive," said the manager.
The man is given another. “Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in steel vats.”
The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said, “It's a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get this job, I'll tell who the father is!”
I asked a kid where their parents were...
Lol
Why can't homeless people be gay?
They don't have a closet to get out of.
I screamed "Jenga" today in class while watching a 9/11 documentary.
What’s an orphan’s favorite snake, self raising flour?
I own a gun with Nazi rounds and shot a guy who broke into my house. He said, “Did you just shoot me with a Nazi round?” and I replied, “Do you mean Nein millimeter?”
What is a gun that Africa doesn't have? A water gun.
What did the Nazi say when a doll hit his daughter?
A-doll Hitler!
How did the dude with epilepsy win the break dancing competition?
He saw flashing lights.
These jokes are so dark that their life matters.
What is the difference between a preschool and my basement?
Little kids leave preschool.