Worst Jokes Ever
Uranus is blue from lack of service.
My dad and I were playing hide and seek. I still haven’t found him. It’s been 15 years.
What's a pirate's favorite key on the keyboard?
Others: R.
Rrrr, you would think so, but it be the C.
A short person should never piss off a fat person taller than them. The fat person just has to lean slightly, and it's 9/11 all over again.
*insert pun here*
What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and my Dad?
Isaac Newton didn’t beat me half to death with a pipe wrench.
When I go to weddings, old people will tell me I'm next, but when I go to funerals, I tell old people they're next.
I took a pole today. 100% of the people in the tent were unhappy that it collapsed.
Are you fin-ished with your work?
Roses are red, Velvet is blue, So are violets.
What separates snowmen from snow-women?
Snow balls.
Ah, what's that on your face? Oh, I forgot, that is your ass. It's so ugly, you stupid-looking bitch!
Does anybody know the similarities between a Rubik's cube and a penis?
I don't know the whole answer, but I do know that the more you play with it, the harder it gets.
What did the author say when he got a correct answer? "I got it right!"
Mommy, why is my name Brick???
Mom: When you were a little baby, a brick dropped on your head.
Mommy, why is my name Rose???
Mom: When you were a little baby, a rose petal dropped on your head.
Brick walks in, "Blagudnunag."
Your mama is so stupid, she took a spoon to the Super Bowl!
What did the flag say to the pole?
Nothing, he just waved.
What do you call a midget that waves at you?
A microwave.
How much work does a skeleton get done?
A SKELE-TON!
My uncle died in the 9/11 attacks. He was the best pilot I had ever met.