Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because he forgot to plug in the charger.
Kate ate food coloring last night. She said she was dying inside.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
What did one poop say to the other poop? What's the matter? You look flushed!
He's homeless.
Another: Oh he must be A "Sheer" (as in Andrew Scheer) survivor...
The other: No, he's a Liberal (as in Justin Trudeau) job hopeful.
Why can’t the T-Rex clap his hands?
Because he is DEAD.
A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?"
The little boy says, "That’s my little red race car."
Ten minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?"
The little girl says, "That’s my little red race car garage."
So later that night, the little boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She said yes, and then they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won’t fit.
Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs up the stairs, flips on the lights and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?"
The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn’t fit, so I cut the back wheels off."
What is Helen Keller's favorite color?
Velcro.
Uh, uh, fuck me, daddy!
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
Nobody likes that joke.
"Hippity hoppity, the school shooter spotted me."
Why were the victims of 9/11 so mad?
Because they ordered a pepperoni pizza, but all they got was a plane.
How do you know if an Asian has been in your house?
Your dog's gone.
Your finances are done.
And your floaties.
What do you call James, James?
Lung story short... ahqhahahah!
Blood is red.
Bruises are blue. I forget the rest... um, I hate you...?
When someone falls, you say to them, "I remember when I started to learn to walk."
My brother puts his butt in his face and says, "Kyle, you're cracking me up!"
What do blondes and beer bottles have in common? They are both empty from the neck up.