Worst Jokes Ever

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill's candy.

But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock because Jill's real name is Randy.

You know why I don't buy Velcro items anymore?

They are a total rip off.

So, there were kids in the bus, and half of them were white, and the other half was black.

All the kids wanted to sit at the back, so the bus driver said to all the kids, "Stop fighting. From now on, everyone is now green." So, the bus driver said to all the kids, "Dark green go to the front, and light green at the back."

If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave, or does your mortician take it from you?

When you're going 80 mph and hit a speed bump,

Then the speed bump starts screaming.

When you’re fucking your boss and realize it’s a family business.

Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.

My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic abuse, but I beat her to it.

"Dick dick dick, fuck dick nugget shit."

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

He worked it out with a pencil.

How do you die from Alzheimer's? You forget how to breathe.

A little boy and a little girl are taking a bath together. The little girl looks down at the boy and says, "Can I touch it?" The little boy looks back at her and says, "Hell no, you already broke yours off!"

When the cannibal was late for dinner, he got the cold shoulder.

There was a little boy named Chris who was addicted to Roblox.

One day, his grandpa fell into a deep coma caused by a head injury.

One day, little Chris went to visit his poor grandpa. He brought his Windows 10 too, but it had no charge in it. After pulling out some wires and placing his into the wall, he started to hear a long beeping sound, but ignored it and continued to play Roblox. Chris's parents came and saw what had happened.

The dad then yelled, "You dumb f***, you killed my father!!!"

Then Chris said "Yeah. He was worth robucks, too."

When I die, I want to be shot out of a cannon.

And into a children's birthday party.

Wife: "Honey, I'm pregnant."

Husband: "Hi, Pregnant, I'm dad."

Wife: "No, you're not."

"Simba is proof cats don’t always land on their feet."

So I was in the car with my mom one time and we always joke about me being adopted (I am not), and Michael Jackson's song "Billie Jean" sounds like my name, and so my mom says, as the song is playing, "(My name) is not my daughter, she's just a girl who claims that I am her mum." Wow. *applauds for mother* Love you momma =)