Worst Jokes Ever

Why do orphans play GTA? So they can be wanted.

I was accused of rape, but I swear she was a whore.

What's the difference between puppies and orphans?

The puppies actually get adopted.

So, Johnny was working at a deli. A woman walks up and asks, "Do you have any salad?" Johnny says, "No." She asks, "What about carrots?" Again, Johnny says, "No." She says, "What about bananas?" Johnny says, "Tell ya what, spell out 'lad' in salad." She spells, "L A D." Johnny replies, "Spell 'rot' in carrot." She spells, "R O T." Johnny says, "Now spell 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." She says, "There is no 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." Johnny exclaims, "That's what I've been trying to tell you!"

What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?

Well, at least one gets picked.

What do a fisherman and a prostitute have in common?

They're both hookers.

So, Little Johnny comes home from school knowing damn well he messed up his math test. His mother and father get home and he tells them, "Mom, I failed my math test." His mother aggressively says, "Get the belt!" Johnny says, "Why?" His mother says, "I'm gonna spank you for failing!" Johnny says, "So just like daddy?" His father turns red knowing what they did last night.

Everyone says Kenny has an easy life.

I disagree. I hear his mom likes complicated sex positions.

I was talking to my friend, and he said, "I lost my virginity to a girl, and then she stopped coming to school." And I said, "Probably because she was fired."

What’s New York’s favorite game?

2001 flight simulator.

Did you hear the joke about Helen Keller? Neither did she. Did you see that one coming? Neither did she.

(She's blind and deaf)

There were four people in a helicopter: Trump, a first-grade kid, a schoolteacher, and the Chinese leader.

There were only three parachutes. The Chinese leader takes one and jumps. The schoolteacher says she has to teach, so she jumps. Trump and the first-grader are left. Trump says, "I've lived my life; you take the last one." So the kid puts on his backpack and jumps. Trump makes it out safe.

What do you call two Mexicans at a country restaurant? "Two beaners in a cracker house."

Once I saw Donald Trump and an orange and couldn’t tell the difference 😂

Donald: "If I lose this election, I will leave the country."

Joe: "Bi den"

I went to a sleepover at my best friend's house. He lives with his grandpa and little brother, his mom and dad. His little brother likes to run around the house naked sometimes. I can't help but notice his grandpa always looks up when he does.

Your forehead is a 20-mile taxi ride from your eyebrows to your hairline.

What are the similarities between an emo and some Christmas lights?

They are both going to be hanging from a tree.

And that concludes your French oral. You can put your trousers back up, and I'll see you on Monday.

I told my mom that I have a crush. She replied with: "So you like girls?" I said: "Uhm no no no." BUT I'm lesbian. Someone help, how do I tell her without her hitting me with a belt?