Worst Jokes Ever
What's the difference between my arm and my stomach? My stomach isn't ripped.
What starts with “M” and ends with “arriage”?
Miscarriage.
What do you call 2 lesbians in a canoe?
Fur Traders.
I'm so skinny, I could use floss as a noose.
What do Madeline McCann and a submarine have in common?
Both are at the bottom of the ocean full of seamen!
So, I heard the CEO gave her daughter a really good spot in the company.
Everyone is mad, but I think it just goes to show that it pays to sleep with your boss.
Yo mama so vegetarian that she loves the Vegan Teacher!
How did Michael Jackson die?
Because he danced like a zombie!
What's the only good part of your crush dying before you have the chance to bang her?
She can't say no!
My friend group is pretty diverse. I'm Japanese, one friend is Filipino, one is American, one is Italian, and the last one is German.
Out of everyone in the friend group, the Filipino and the American were the quickest to feel uncomfortable when I asked, "Who wants to go on a march with me?"
At baseball practice...
"Hey John, did you bring the bucket of balls?"
"No, but I got two right here."
Life is like a penis: simple, soft, relaxed, and hanging free, until a woman comes around and makes it hard.
I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child. If you don't believe me, I can pop my trunk.
Why did the orphan become a stripper?
So she could have someone to call daddy.
When God created mankind, he said, "Damn it! One is off color, the other yellowish. The last one is burnt!"
Latias is red.
Latios is blue.
You should always remember to put up your curtains because I Pikachu.
Why do they call my dick section 8?
Because all the hoes are on it.
Yo mama so fat, I stood next to her and lost cell phone reception.
Me: Want to play 911?
My little brother: What's that?
Me: It's where I kick your legs and you fall.
What's the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and an Emo?
They're both gay and use knives.