Worst Jokes Ever
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving more than once.
If your wife says: “What would you most like to do to my body?” “Identify it” is the wrong answer.
Doctor: “You’ll be at peace soon.”
Man: “Am I dying?”
Doctor: “No, your wife is.”
Period: Guess who’s back... back again...
Me: Ugh, can we not do this today?
Period: I can come back in 9 months?
Me: Keep fucking singing.
A plane is going to crash. There are four passengers and only three parachutes. All the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first. He says, "My fans need me," and jumps. Donald Trump takes another and says, "I am the smartest president," and jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says, "Child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute." The boy replies, "Don't worry - Donald took my backpack."
A hobo couple is making out under a bridge.
The girlfriend goes: - Johnny, why is your dick so soft? - Flip me over, I’m trying to shit!
If your nose runs and your feet smell, you are probably built upside down.
Your mother is so fat, she actually went on a diet and started exercising, and I hear she's doing quite well now.
Good Morning, Sleepy-Head!
What do you say if you are raped once but feel raped twice?
"I was raped raped."
I used to work for a company called 69. My friend took over my position.
Did you hear about the man who died of a Viagra overdose?
They couldn't close the casket.
My grandpa was the best soldier ever. He gunned down over 100 soldiers in his bunker during D-Day.
Hey.
Girl: Hey.
Damn, I forgot my spray bottle.
Girl: What?
It says "spray on flat surfaces."
Why did the priest want to learn how to play the organ?
He wanted to be able to finger A minor.
Could a phone booth also be called a chatterbox?
Are you a walnut, because I'm about to nut all over your walls!
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home.
So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
I went to self-checkout at a store and I scanned my products, but the scanner wouldn't scan the barcode on my arm.