Worst Jokes Ever

A vampire goes to the bakery.

Vampire: "One bun, please."

Baker: "But you're a vampire, don't you need blood?"

Vampire: "Yes, there is an accident outside and I need something to dip."

Life would be so much easier if grass was emo.

Because it would cut itself.

One thing that Johnny Depp and Michael Jackson love to do? Sniff on little white crack.

One time, the quiet kid hacked the speakers in a school. Next thing you know, "Pumped Up Kicks" by Foster The People starts playing.

I saw a fat girl with a 'Guess' t-shirt, so I said, "286lb."

This is the real reason why the chicken crossed the road.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: To visit his grandmother at KFC.

What's a child abuser's favorite song?

"Just Beat It!"

Which word is also called for women's prison?

"Pridaughter."

The new pandemic is feminism and all kinds of democratic thinking. COVID is a joke compared to these nasty ass diseases.

Why can't orphans watch "The Simpsons"?

Because they don't know who's Homer.

What are Michael Jackson’s favorite universities?

Brigham Young and Boise State.

What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a pimple? You never see a pimple come on a little boy’s face.

On a scale of Johnny Depp having an erectile dysfunction to Michael Jackson exposing himself in a child day care center, how hard is it to get into Oxford?

Men and women are not equal, speaking biologically and mentally. I don't care what other feminists say. Men are naturally physically stronger, while women are more mentally stable (sometimes). The internet and the media will lie. You feminists say that you are stronger. Well, you wish. You can't hit a girl because she is more sensitive, but she says she is stronger. Like, what the hell?

We're not sexist men; you're sexist women. And BTW, you'll rot in hell for hating God's creation. And also, men were created before women. Search it up in the Bible or online.

My cousin asked me, "What do you think was going through Hitler's mind right before he died?"

I told him, "Probably a bullet."

Johnny Depp once said in an interview: "I get older, my girlfriends stay the same age."

Maybe Johnny Depp's soulmate isn't born yet. We'll see in 20-25 years.

Today, I dreamt about giving head to Johnny Depp.

Then I woke up and realized that I forgot to roll my windows up when passing through the New Jersey Turnpike.

Why is Johnson’s baby shampoo the best lubricant for anal sex?

- No more tears.

What is the difference between the Twin Towers and feminism? The Twin Towers were destroyed by terrorists, while feminism was created by terrorists.

Hi, I'm Michael Jackson, and my pronouns are hee/hee.