Worst Jokes Ever
Grew up playing Fruit Ninja on my iPad. Spent time with my online sister playing multiplayer.
Now I play it in school with an awesome small steel blade.
I’m not allowed my phone during school hours and I have to give it in at the start of the day...
You know the difference between me and a zebra? Me neither.
Q: How are Asians like a box of chocolates?
A: Either way they'll kill your dog.
Q: What do you get when you cross Viagra and Donald Trump?
A: Erection fraud. (Just a joke.)
What does Michael say when he laughs? He he.
My initials are K.M.C.
Which could also stand for "Kill Main Character".
Which I am planning to do in this book I’m writing.
I’m writing an autobiography.
What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an Aussie bloke in Bali?
Both are expert drunks, but the Aussie is 100 times better kept. Johnny Depp, in contrast, looks like a demented leader of a violent drug cartel.
What do White Castle sliders and Michael Jackson have in common? They have their meat in tiny wet buns.
What do you call a Panera Bread after vanishing?
Panera Fade.
In preschool, I confessed my love to my crush, and she rejected me. As heartbroken as I was, I sucked it up and went back to teaching.
What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an orphan?
An orphan is more capable of speaking clearly.
9/11 jokes are that deadly not even the towers could hold themselves up.
I asked my kid to give me a hand. That motherfucker cried while charging his mechanical arm.
What's the worst thing to say at a funeral? "Hi guys, welcome to my unboxing video!"
What does a roller coaster and Michael Jackson have in common?
Kids ride for free.
I ordered a pizza with everything on it, but I got a plain pizza.
Wacko Jacko bleached his skin, lit his head on fire, slept in a chamber, abused his pet monkey, built an amusement park in his own backyard, had toys as decor for his home, slept with little boys, raped little boys. Jacko was Florida Man before Florida Man.
What is BK but gay?
Bgay.
Are you a border? 'Cause I can't get over you.
What's bigger than the Milky Way?
Michael Jackson's nose.