Worst Jokes Ever
What do SpongeBob and Asians have in common?
They're both yellow and can't drive.
You're so bald that your hairline is receding faster than my bank account after a trip to Las Vegas.
Why do people in Alabama always swipe left on Tinder?
Because they aren't family!
Calling Alabama's football team an astonishment would be the biggest understatement of the century, especially since they continuously catch balls from someone who isn't related to them.
Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them.
Why do black people only have nightmares? Because the last one who had a dream was shot.
Why are people in Japan so thin?
Because it didn't end well the last time a Fat Man was there.
Google is a woman because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before it makes suggestions.
"Dude, can you believe Republicans are opposed to homosexuality, women's rights, and immigration, yet they are silent when it comes to incest and child molestation?"
"Well, I'm not surprised. Republicans have to win the Alabama vote, or else."
Why is Donald Trump so desperate to break into the White House?
Most landlords cannot lease their properties to him due to the fact that he is a felon.
Why are Republicans supporting giving felons the right to vote?
Because their own personal jeebus is a felon!
What is the best thing about an 18-year-old girl in the shower?
Slick her hair, she looks 15.
I may not be as "rich" as Donald Trump, but at least I am still allowed to go on holiday to Bali, Niagara Falls, Hong Kong, and the Pyramids of Giza.
Orange Jesus can't travel to these places because these places cannot grant entry to felons.
...ah, who am I kidding? It's likely that Trump is going to prison, anyway.
This is not a joke, but if your uncle tells you, "Bend over, touch your toes, I'll show you where the monster goes," don't do it, hehehehehe.
What's the difference between a cop and bacon?
Bacon is full of fat and makes you feel good. A cop is full of shit and will make you feel their hot steamy cock as they ram it up your ass with some justice sprinkled on top.
What do you call an Australian visiting the UK on holiday?
Returning to the scene of the crime.
Why did God create yeast infections?
So women would know what it's like to live with an annoying cunt.
My best friend is transgender; she transitioned from a man into a woman. I think it's courageous of her to take a pay cut like that.
Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.”
At my funeral, take the bouquet off the coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who's next.