Worst Jokes Ever
Russians think they are tougher than Americans. Here are some reasons for the Russians out here reading this:
1. USA was NEVER invaded!
2. USA never commits as many war crimes as Russia does!
3. USA made the first nuclear weapon so yeah shove that up your ass, Russians!
4. Our soldiers don’t rape kids.
5. We have more allies than you.
6. We are smaller but stronger.
7. Random civilians in the USA have stronger guns than Russian military does!
Your mama is so ugly, she tried summoning Candyman, but he refused to come!
Relationships are like fat people.
Most of them don’t work out.
What time do terrorists arrive in New York City?
9:11 AM
I got arrested on suspicion of attempted rape all because I was carrying some cable ties, a bit of tape and a piece of cloth. It's such a joke, I hadn't even bought the chloroform yet.
Oh, Lois, that was more scary than Michael Jackson without pants in front of a kid!
How did the Chinese chicken cross the road?
He wok-ed.
Yo mama so ugly, when she looks in a mirror, it says, "Viewer discretion advised!"
Joe Mama so weird, she cut her hair in a squiggly diggly haircut.
Your hairline is so pushed back, it's looking like it got slapped up by Will Smith.
My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.
My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"
How do you get away with rape and incest in California?
Say you identify as a woman. Fact: It's actually legal to rape your daughter if you are a woman in California.
Hitler walks into his meeting room, turns to his trusted staff, and says, “I want you to organize the execution of 10,000 Jews and one kitten.”
Everyone looks around the table and, after a long silence, Goering pipes up. “Mein Fuhrer, why do you want to kill a kitten?”
Hitler smiles and turns to the rest of the table. “You see, no one cares about the Jews.”
Roses are red, violets are blue,
Your mum's so fat, she broke Britain too!
What do you call a virgin kid locked in a room with a pedophile? Past tense.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your grandma died, your dad left you too, Now you're living with your old grandma coot. Oh, let's not forget your mom left you, too. You gon' live alone, die alone, with no roses on your casket, too.
Q: What did the terrorist say during a plane flight? A: “Wow! This flight is the bomb!”
90 percent of women kiss with their eyes closed, which is why it's so difficult to identify a rapist.
What's the difference between a homo and a refrigerator?
A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out.
I got banana nut bread for you.
Oh no, the nuts are missing!
Oh, I found them!
You know where they are?
UP YOUR BUTTHOLE!