Worst Jokes Ever
My husband left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!
When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug.
His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
"Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind—it's tearable."
"Where do young trees go to learn?"
"Elementree school."
What do a gay man and an ambulance have in common?
They both take it in the back and go “whoot whoot.”
Husband: “Honey, what’s the difference between a Ferrari and an erection?”
Wife: “ok... what is it?”
Husband: “I don’t have a Ferrari right now.”
If you ever think no one cares about you,
kill someone, then the news will.
Which school supply is king of the classroom? A ruler.
What does an 80-year-old woman taste like?
Depends.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up like an altar boy.
My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board.
"No, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken."
When your teenager asks for personal space and you remind her that she came out of your personal space.
What do moms want for Mother's Day? Replacement silverware.
Motherhood is a fairytale in reverse. You start in a beautiful gown and end up cleaning everyone's messes.
What do 9/10 people enjoy?
Gang rape.
Why can't orphans get 5 stars in GTA? They aren't wanted!
What is the difference between iPhones and orphans?
iPhones have a home button.
What do a gay man and a tumbleweed have in common?
They blow and blow until they wind up on a fence in Wyoming.
What is my favorite thing about my grandpa?
His life insurance.
If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.