Worst Jokes Ever
My grandma has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
What's the difference between jelly and jam? You can't jelly a clown into the tiny car.
Why are there no fat people in Japan?
Last time they had a "Fat Man," 80,000 people died.
You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.
Want to know how you make any salad into a Caesar salad?
Stab it twenty-three times.
It’s important to establish a good vocabulary.
If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.
Why did the man miss the funeral?
He wasn’t a mourning person.
My husband left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!
When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug.
His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
"Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind—it's tearable."
"Where do young trees go to learn?"
"Elementree school."
What do a gay man and an ambulance have in common?
They both take it in the back and go “whoot whoot.”
Husband: “Honey, what’s the difference between a Ferrari and an erection?”
Wife: “ok... what is it?”
Husband: “I don’t have a Ferrari right now.”
If you ever think no one cares about you,
kill someone, then the news will.
Which school supply is king of the classroom? A ruler.
What does an 80-year-old woman taste like?
Depends.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up like an altar boy.
My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board.
"No, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken."
When your teenager asks for personal space and you remind her that she came out of your personal space.
What do moms want for Mother's Day? Replacement silverware.