Worst Jokes Ever
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but they're very tiny and we're not sure how they got in there.
How many audio engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
One, two. One, TWO. One, two. One, two.
How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb?
One (flips lens) or two? One (flips another lens) or two?
How many electrical engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That is the electrician's job. I am a specialist.
How many software engineers?
Again, none. It's a hardware problem.
How many computer programmers to change a light bulb?
Two, but one resigns halfway through the project.
What does a computer scientist do when someone tries to fight him?
He waves his arms like a space invader.
Yo Mama is so dumb, she works best when she is unemployed.
What is written on the gravestone of a TV reporter?
"You must be back at 8:00 p.m."
Are your hairline and forehead friends? Because they go way back.
Why would you make jokes about birth control?
It's a great labour-saving invention.
What's the worst thing about 9/11?
All of the stupid "Airplane" jokes.
I think I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.
This is WPBS-TV. We'll pledge-break soon — thanks, viewers!
When recycling toilet paper, you really need to process the crap out of it.
Conversely, you can recycle a condom quite easily: just turn it inside out and shake the fuck out of it.
In the morning, I become a cereal killer. Stepped on a corn flake.
Then there was the run-in with a pair of orphaned Rice Krispies. Snap. Crackle. No pop.
I've been taken into custody as a cereal offender and am about to be put on trial in Food Court. I fully expect them to sentence me to Life.
What do Diddy and Turkish men have in common?
They both use lots of oil.
When I finished playing my guitar, I noticed an amputee in the crowd not giving me a round of applause.
What's a game a paraplegic kid can't play?
Hopscotch.
I went to help an amputated girl, but she didn't have a hand for me to grab.
Your family is so messed up that they shared one brain cell to have you even exist.
I was looking forward to my date with this paraplegic girl, but she stood me up.
I don't joke about paraplegics; they wouldn't be able to stand up for themselves.