Worst Jokes Ever

What's a cat's favorite instrument? Purr-cussion.

What is Hitler's least favorite fish?

Jewfish.

What's the difference between your mom in bed and Biden in the presidential race?

Your mom finishes.

Your mom is so dumb that somebody told her, "Go get a life," so she went to play Super Mario and got a 1-up.

Why is Christianity the most dramatic religion?

Because other religions say, "Do, do, do."

But Christianity says, "Done, done, done!"

What do strippers and butter have in common?

Both spread for bread.

I heard P. Diddy got a job as a defensive coordinator.

He’s used to penetrating aggressively.

About a month ago, I was at my best friend’s funeral and I told him, "Bitches always come and go." He looked at me kinda mad, kinda confused, and said, "That’s my mom, dude."

If a pregnant lady murders someone, does the child get an assist?

What do nail polish and panties have in common?

Both come off with alcohol.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Fuck.

Fuck who?

Fuck off!

Kobe likes his shoes like the way he died.

Air.

Why did the football player go to the bank?

To get his quarter back.

Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.

Yo mama so fat, she stepped on the scale and it said a.k.a. "error."

My boyfriend always likes when I wear my fishnet sleeves. He says it looks great on me, but he doesn’t know that my skin is covered with scars... no one does. No one questions why I wear them everyday. I hope it stays like that because I can’t deal with my mom finding out that I still hurt myself.

What’s the difference between a cancer patient and a British news reporter in the South?

They usually don’t live to tell the tale.

Stephen Hawking is better than NASA. They study black holes that are 8 billion years old, while he was down here on Earth staring at 14-year-old black holes. 😈😈😈

How can you be fast and slow at the same time, getting a gold medal in the Special Olympics?

I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.

He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.