Worst Jokes Ever
Tiger Woods is a lion cheetah. He took a wife and seventeen mistresses because he just had to play all eighteen holes.
A panda goes to see a hooker. He goes down on her, he mates with her, he ejaculates and then he attempts to walk away.
The working girl asks, "Aren't you going to pay me?"
She opens the dictionary to "Prostitute: One who sells sexual companionship for money."
The panda picks up the dictionary and turns to the definition "Panda: A marsupial who eats, roots, shoots, and leaves."
What do Michael Vick and John Wick have in common?
Got into deep shit when it came to dogs.
What do George Floyd and an astronaut have in common?
They both have very little air to breathe.
What do hockey players and cops have in common?
They both use sticks to hit something black.
How many bankers does it take to change a light bulb?
Four—one to hold the bulb and three to try to remember the combination.
What do you get from a co-worker with epilepsy for being accused of harassment? A "seize" and desist letter.
A small, nervous woman steps into a hotel elevator in Las Vegas.
At the next floor, three large, burly men step in. The woman is immediately intimidated and clutches her purse tightly.
Suddenly, one of the men says in a deep voice: "Hit the floor!"
Terrified that she is about to be robbed, the woman drops her bags and collapses face down onto the floor of the elevator, cowering in fear.
The men burst out laughing and help the bewildered woman up. The speaker apologizes profusely and says: "No, ma'am, I meant hit the button for our floor!"
The next morning, the woman receives a massive bouquet of roses and has her entire hotel bill paid for. Attached is a note that says: "Thanks for the best laugh I've had in years."
I had an operation on my knee, but it was a joint effort.
I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places.
He told me to stop going to those places.
A termite walks into the bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
Someone lunged at me, armed with an unregistered nurse. I hit the floor.
The penalty for a homeless person being caught stealing bread is an expensive, luxurious prison cell, which is located indoors and comes with free bread and water.
Aren't our governments wizards? Scrooge would be proud.
"Where did you learn to do bookkeeping?"
"Yale."
"And what was your name again?"
"Yackson."
What do George Floyd and Jordan Neely have in common?
Both can't breathe.
Kobe never died, he just faded away.
My best friend is black. It really pissed me off when my mom sold him.
If African immigrants are supposed to stay in their country, why can't their resources do the same?
Are you a Muslim, because you're the bomb?
What does a Right-Winger say when he sees a rainbow above the sky?
"A colorful sky? That's too woke for me. Jesus and our ancestors would have never stood for this!"