100s jokes

I'm 50% human, so that 50% stupid is 100% you.

Surveys show that 80% of women who wear yoga pants never do yoga.

And 100% of men don’t care.

So my dad tells these jokes and someone posted one on this website so...

How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb? 101, one to hold the light bulb and 100 to spin the house.

There’s also one about a bowling ball in a bath tub he hasn’t told me that though. I'll research that.

Yoo! I found a $100 bill, found a child who said they lost their $100 bill. Gave them $25.

When God gives you glory, you give it back.

Me: My grandpa killed 100 nazis in WWII.

My Friend: Well my grandpa killed Hitler.

Me: *Realizes*

Yo mama so fat, she broke Usain Bolt's 100 meter speed record by taking ONE STEP!

Who are the world's fastest readers?

9/11 victims. 100 stories in 11 seconds.

What’s red and goes 100 miles per hour?

Babies in a blender.

When you turn 100, you get a letter from the Queen. When you turn 16, you get a DM from Prince Andrew.

My mom told me to make my dad smile, and she will give me $100, so I said, "The Cowboys are gonna win the Super Bowl." He smiled, but my mom didn't give it to me.

Anyways, I forgot about my package coming, and the mailman came, and I said, "I like your hat; teal looks nice on you," and he smiled, and my mom gave me $100.

Yo mama so fat, she got arrested for carrying 100 pounds of crack.

Dad: Johnny, Johnny?

Johnny: Yes, Papa.

Dad: Getting women?

Johnny: Yes, Papa.

Dad: Telling lies?

Johnny: No, Papa.

Dad: Well, you're 100% lying because you get NO WOMEN!

What do a 100-year-old pornstar and The White Stripes have in common? Icky Thump!

My sister bet me $100 that it was impossible for me to build a working car out of spaghetti.

You should have seen her face as I drove pasta!

You learn something new every day.

Like the people in 9/11 are the world's fastest readers; they went through 100s in under a second.

People say your body is 75% water, while mine [is] 100% full of coffee.

Me: I finished a book with 100 pages.

Someone else: How was it?

Me: It's a long story.

My grandpa was the best soldier ever. He gunned down over 100 soldiers in his bunker during D-Day.

My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch! I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and Air Force Ones, but as soon as I spend $100 on hookers, she leaves me.

Yesterday my mom forgot to go grocery shopping, and I was starving, so I kept opening the fridge about 100 times, but nothing new was in there.