100s Jokes

what is red and green and goes 100 miles per hour? A frog in a blender

A man find out his wife is cheating on him with his best friend, so he hires a hitman to shoot his wife in the head, and his friend in the balls. The hitman charges $100 per bullet. The man agrees. Later, they set up, and the hitman looks through the scope and says “I can save you $100”

So a lady was walking down the street with two bags and one of the bags was leaking $100 bills and a cop pulls up and he says “ma’am ma’am your bag is leaking hundred dollar bills” then she says “Oh thank you I wonder how long that’s been going on” and the cop says “ before I help you may I ask why your bag is leaking $100 bill” and the Lady says “OK I’ll tell you so I live next to a stadium and I have this beautiful rose garden but he’s dumb teenagers always try and pee on the rosebushes so they stick their junk through the fence and I grabbed your junk I said $100 dollars or its coming off” the cop says “oh OK well what’s the other bag for” and she says well not all of them want to give me $100.

What's the difference between a pile of 100 dead babies and a mustang challenger? A mustang challenger doesn't exist

The kid with a gun walked into my class room and fucking shot the teacher. He pointed the gun at me and asked,

"What's 2+2?" I answer him and he writes the answer down on his test. He did this with every kid. He got a 100%, expelled, and a lifetime in prison. Hey at least he gets free food.

I told my dad that I wanted to go to a college with a 100% acceptance rate and a 50% Graduation rate and he said "Your mom doesn't count as a college"

The E and F in Orphan stands for Every one in their Family Me: yep they definitely have one 100% 💯

why are 9/11 victims the fastest readers. because they can go through 100 stories in 7 seconds

What is more fun than spinning a clown around on a clothes line at 100 miles an hour? Stopping it with a pitchfork.

When you turn 100 you get a letter from the Queen, when you turn 16 you get a DM from prince Andrew.

Bob: What is the percent of people who are depressed. Me: If your only counting me. 100%

Did you know victims of 9/11 are fast readers?

They went down 100 stories in 4 seconds

i just donated 100$ to a blind children charity, suck that no one will see it

why do orphans like spider man 100% of them are like him

how do you fit 100 rape victims inside a mini cooper?

in the ashtray

The other day a squirrel asked me for a job, I asked him what jobs did you have previously. Calmly he answered," I am a pilot, I can pick it up from here and pile it over there, I also can fly a sign!!!" " To bad, this is a nut cannery, and we're 100% automated, we don't need anyone at this time, sorry." " No worries, I'm totally nuts anyway, guess I'll fly a sign across town, don't have bus fare!!!"

A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.

By the way my Grandma told me this one

How many degrees does it take to change ice into boiling water? 199, because, the difference between -100 and +100 is 199 (excluding the zero, because it's not real and it doesn't exist because it's not real). Get? https://youtu.be/XZQOjp0i35A?t=333