1000 jokes

A guy walks into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and says, "If I can surprise you, I get a free drink." The bartender was unsure but agreed.

The guy pulled a 30cm long pianist out of his pocket, and he starts to play.

The bartender was surprised and gave the guy a free drink.

The guy then says, "You see, I have a little wizard in my pocket that grants wishes. Can I get another free drink if you get a free wish?"

The bartender agrees without hesitation.

The bartender wishes for 1000 bucks, but he gets 1000 ducks.

"WTF!" the man shouts.

The guy answered, "Did you think I wanted a 30cm long pianist?"

*Breaking News!* - Apparently the first person in Melbourne has died because of the Coronavirus. In his house they found 1000 cans of food, 50 kilos of pasta, 80 kilos of rice, 300 toilet rolls and 50L of hand sanitiser which he had panic purchased from the supermarket and stockpiled "just in case".

The whole lot collapsed and buried him.

I bet a disabled kid on a wheelchair that if he could catch me, I'd give him 1000 dollars. He said deal, and I went upstairs.

If we get this to 1000 dislikes, I will do TWO joking keggars on Halloween.

So what are you waiting for? Hit the button, idiot.

I saw a sign the other day that said "Maximum penalty for smoking is £1,000."

But that's not right. Surely the maximum penalty for smoking is Death.