Kids make a lot of plans for people who can't drive anywhere.
Worst Jokes Ever
"I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older, and she laughed so hard she cried a little."
Nothing is lost until Mom can't find it.
"Our teen has decreed we are the 'Worst Parents Ever.' We will hold our coronation ceremony to accept this honor next Friday. Invitations to follow."
There's nothing quite like being told I'm wrong by someone who depends on me for food, clothing, and shelter.
It's sad when you sit around waiting for mom to make dinner, and then you realize you are the mom.
Being a mom to a teenager will make you understand why some animals eat their young.
I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was next to a crying baby.
Evidently that doesn't work if the baby is yours.
Guys, you need to ketchup with the time.
Did you hear about the man who jumped off a bridge in France? He was in Seine.
"WASSUP GIRLS IF I FIND YOU I'LL GLADLY FUCK YOU;]"
Why can't Americans play chess? They have no towers.
Your buzz cut is so bad that the bees buzz around it!
Yo mama so fat that when she went on the scale, it showed her phone number.
Yo mama so fat that when Thanos snapped his fingers, she was still there.
Your mama is so fat that when she went to the scale, it said, "No elephants allowed!"
Yo mama is so fat that her belt size is the equator.
What do you call an 18-year-old orphan?
Homeless.
Wife: I will leave you if you call me fat again.
Husband: Wait, dear... Don’t do it for the sake of our kid!
Wife: Kid?
Husband: Yeah, aren’t you pregnant?
You know the stupid trend where people say it’s ok to be overly obese? Healthy even? That you should take pride in it? Which idiots started that movement?
Well. We know one thing for sure. They were obviously members of a wider community.
