Worst Jokes Ever
Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.
My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic abuse, but I beat her to it.
Some kids at school made fun of me for playing Halo. I gave them a halo.
My Smoothie Ingredients: - Bananas - Strawberry - The Blood of my ex - Peanut Butter
Are you a Samsung Galaxy Note 7? Because I want to explode in you!
Why is there no toilet paper at KFC?
Because it's finger lickin' good!
I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both 'lefts,' which, on one hand, is great, but on the other, it's just not right.
What do you call a Native American with a boner?
A redwood.
Doctor approaches a patient in Hospital and says, "I have some good news and bad news."
So the patient says, "What is the bad news?" the Doctor replies, "I have had to amputate both your legs." So the patient says, "Well, what is the good news?" The Doctor replies, "I have found someone to buy your slippers."
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lickalotopuss
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil.
Never buy an epileptic kid light-up Sketchers.
How do you die from Alzheimer's? You forget how to breathe.
When I saw a dead body on the ground and my editor was filming, I told him to censor that a-hole. When I saw the completed product, he censored me. Then I killed him.
A man and a cow are stuck on train tracks, and there is a train in the distance about to hit both of them. A vegan sees this and tries to help. Who does he save, the man or the cow?
Neither. He isn't strong enough to lift either of them.
My father said I'm too reliant on technology.
I called him a hypocrite, and unplugged his life support.
What do you call an orphan taking a family photo?
A selfie.
What is a female gamer's favorite part of the controller?
The joystick.
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
He yelled, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"
The Doctor replies, "I know, I amputated your arms."
A man went to a library and asked the librarian if they had any books on suicide.
She replied "Oh fuck off, you won't bring it back!"