Worst Jokes Ever
A husband walks into his house to find his wife watching Gordon Ramsay's F-king cooking show!
Husband: "Stop watching that f-king sh*t! You can't cook to save your life!"
Wife: "So what?! You watch porn, don't you?!"
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To die.
What's the darkest point in the universe?
The inside of a KFC.
What does Earl Bradley and an Xbox have in common?
They both get turned on by children.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Cakatoo."
"Cakatoo who?"
"So, you're a Rooster now?"
Why does Mexico not have an Olympic team? Because everyone who can run, jump, and swim is already in America.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite childhood song? "The wheels on the chair go round and round....."
what's the difference between a baby and a trampoline? the trampoline doesn't cave in when i jump on it.
There's a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run.
Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, and Angela Merkel are standing at the shore and are trying to impress each other with the accomplishments of their countries. Putin brags, "We have nuclear submarines which can stay underwater for six weeks without having to resurface!". Trump goes on, "Six weeks? That's nothing. I have the best submarines, they're underwater für at least three months!". Merkel is about to respond, when a giant steel colossus emerges from the sea. A hatch opens, a black uniform appears - "Heil Hitler! We need Diesel."
Roses are red, Kevin Spacey is gay,
If you'd stayed with your parents, I wouldn't have taken you away.
Why did Paul Walker drown?
Because he was too busy carpooling.
EU Delegate: "Sir, your country has the highest corruption and crime rate out of any other member nations. What do you have to say?"
Ambassador: *tries slipping the delegate 40 Euros* "You didn't see any statistics."
A man walks into a bar. He takes a seat and asks the barman if he wanted to hear a blonde joke. The barman replies, "Before you tell this joke, I want to tell you something. See the woman over there? She is a black belt in karate, she's blonde. See the bouncer over there? He is also a blonde. See the chick over there with that pool cue? She is also blonde. Also, I have a shotgun behind the bar. I'm blonde. So do you still want to tell your joke?" He replies, "F**k that. I ain't explaining the joke 4 times."
You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. For example, if she's holding a gun, she's probably angry.
My Japanese friend told me a Pearl Harbor joke. I told him he bombed it.
What’s the similarity between your uncle and your hands?
They can both do dirty things.
I'm going to hang myself in the bathroom at school and put a note telling kids that I'm a piñata.
Roses are dead, violets are dead. I am a bad gardener.
An American is lecturing a British person, saying things like "it's an elevator, not a lift" and "it's chips, not crisps" etc. After a while of this, the British person calmly retorted, "they're schools, not shooting ranges."