Worst Jokes Ever

I heard a joke about heavy metal earlier. It was pretty ironic.

What's the best part of working at an abortion clinic?

Free dog food.

One day a father and a daughter were at a park. The daughter accidentally kills a butterfly. The father says, "Just because you killed the butterfly, you don't get butter for a week."

They were there the next day, and the daughter kills a cockroach. The father laughs and says, "Nice try."

In communist Russia there is no discrimination. White, black, African, American, British and Asian. They all go to Gulag eventually.

My favorite quote will always be, "Sketchy candy is better than no candy."

- One of the thousands of missing children.

What is the difference between a washing machine and a child?

The washing machine doesn't cry when you put a load in it.

Kid: "I wish I could be like Batman!"

Genie: "Wish granted!"

When the kid gets home, both of his parents are dead.

There was a blind man in WWE, and the commentator said, "Watch out! Watch... Oh, he can’t see." After he was sued for national offense.

Why do vegetarians give good head?

Because they’re used to eating nuts.

Officer sees a man and he is seeing he is having trouble walking, so he asked him, "Sir, are you drunk?" The man responds, "No, sir, I'm not drunk." So the officer asks, "How high are you?" And the man responds, "No sir, it's 'Hi, how are you?'"

Three guys are escaping from North Korea through a tunnel.

The guards know that they are coming and will shoot them with paintball guns as a warning.

The guys show up and the guards shoot them.

The guys die because the guards used real guns.

Roses are red... Orphans are blue... I killed the priest so I could rape them too.

When my friend says I suck at something, I'm like, "U swallow."

what did the pedophile say to the kid?

"Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, get in the van."

What is the difference in having a granny fetish and necrophilia? A few weeks.

I wish my lawn was emo, so I would not have to cut it, it would cut itself.

What did the soldier say when he sees a terrorist in a wheelchair?

RC-XD incoming.

Roses are red, lemons are sour.

Open your legs and give me an hour.

What's an emo person's least favorite game? Cut The Rope.

What is the difference between a baby and a trampoline?

I take off my boots when I jump on a trampoline.