Yours jokes

Sin

    • There was a man named Matt that went to the church to confess one of his most recent sins. He told the priest, "I am here to tell you my sins." He was all for it and said, "Go ahead."

    Matt, "Father, last night I almost cheated on my wife."

    Priest, "How so?"

    Matt, "We were together naked, but we didn't do anything, just rubbed each other, that's all."

    Priest, "RUBBING TOGETHER IS THE SAME THING AS PUTTING IT IN! For your sins you must never see that woman again and put $50 in the donation box!"

    Matt, "Okay, I promise not to see her again."

    Then Matt walks out the door.

    Priest, "Hey! I saw you! You didn't put any money in the donation box!!"

    Matt, "Yes I did. I took the money and rubbed it against the box because you said rubbing it is the same thing as putting it in."

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    • Woman

    • If you can make a woman laugh, you're almost there.

    If you're almost there and then she laughs, then you've got a whole different problem on your hands.

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    • Field Trip

    • My field trip at school earlier:

    Little Timmy (angrily): "I WANT MY IPAD!"

    Ms. Melina: "We can have it at school if you turn your day around."

    Little Timmy: "BUT I WANT IT RIGHT F**KING NOW!"

    Ms. Melina: "But we're heading back to school."

    Little Timmy: "B**TCH, I HATE SCHOOL! I’M GOING HOME!"

    Little Timmy *starts banging the bus window*

    Little Timmy: "THAT’S IT, I F**KING HATE SCHOOL! I’M GOING TO CANADA!"

    Ms. Melina: "TIMMY, STOP IT! THE SCHOOL IS GONNA MAKE YOU PAY FOR THAT WINDOW IF YOU BREAK IT!"

    Me: "Let’s just tell his family to move to Shadow Bay anyways because Red Oaks would be so f**king good for him."

    *Window breaks*

    Ms. Melina: "STOP THAT RIGHT F**KING NOW!"

    Little Timmy: "BUT JEFFY AND JUNIOR ARE PICKING ME UP AND TAKING ME TO F**KING CANADA RIGHT NOW! LEAVE ME THE F**K ALONE!"

    Ms. Melina: "THAT’S IT TIMMY, YOU'RE SO F**KING BUSTED! I’M CALLING MS. ALEJANDRA RIGHT NOW!"

    The end.

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    • Child

    • My wife and I have decided that we do not want children.

    If anybody does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

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    • Yours memes

    Forehead

    • Your forehead is so fucking big, I had to call an Uber to get across the eyebrows to your hairline.

    I know it's bad, sorry.

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    • Robot

    • A robot walks into a bar and orders a martini.

    The bartender is flabbergasted that a robot can do that.

    "New around here?" said the bartender.

    "Nah, been here a while," said the robot.

    Bartender "You can talk?"

    Robot "Yeah, pretty cool, huh."

    Bartender "Why do you want a martini?"

    Robot "Oh, I'm just in the mood for one, you know?"

    The bartender is shocked to see a robot making completely normal small talk.

    The robot seems to be just like a normal human.

    "Wow, who programmed you?" asked the bartender.

    "The top minds in the world," said the robot.

    The robot speaks again, "I have a question for you..."

    Bartender, "What?"

    "Why did you read this entire story? It does not have a punchline. I just wasted your time. Get bamboozled, nerd!"

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    • Teacher

    • One day, little Johnny and little Susan were in bible class. Little Susan had been tired that day, so she kept falling asleep. The teacher said to little Susan, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt with a push pin, and she yelled, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher goes, "That's right, go back to bed." Then, the next thing the teacher asked was, "Who gave up their son for our sins?" Little Johnny poked her again, and she yelled, "God Almighty!" The teacher says, "That's right, go back to bed." The next question the teacher asked was, "What did Adam say to Eve after their 13th child?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt again. She yelled, "If you stick that thing in me again, I am going to break it in half and shove it up your own ass and see how you like it!"

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    • Sex

    • Can we have sex, because if we don't, I can't like you, big, thick booty!

    So let's have sex in bed, you sexy woman, or behind a tree, because shoving my dick in your pussy is a very nice feeling while sucking your ass.

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