Yours jokes

The president of a company comes in to talk to his employees. He says, "As you know, sales have been way down and many of you are not meeting your quotas. We decided to SHAKE things up a bit and introduce you to our new Vice President: Michael J. Fox."

Isn't there a software company named after your dick?

Microsoft?

You're so bad at games, bro, they gave you AIDS before losing! 😹

Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that always comes out of your mouth?

Your hairline is so far back, it left before your dad.

What do you call your sister who only has one leg?

Ei-lean.

My bully: Your face is ugly.

Me: Yeah well your mom is so fat she broke the stairway to heaven.

My bully: :(

Ur dad is mad.

Throw a few paper airplanes at the twins in your class, see if they fall.

Is your dad a magician?

Because he magically disappeared.

To whoever @heil dem anfuhrer is, I hope you know I can’t understand what you’re saying. So next time you get on an American website, please speak English, and I don’t speak whatever European language that is.😊

What's the difference between depression and your ex?

Depression f**ks you harder.

Heard the phrase "one man's trash is another man's treasure"? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you're adopted.

Your mom went to the ocean, and the whales said, "We are family," even though you are fatter than me.

Your hairline is like Spiderman: far from forehead.

Your hairline is like the universe, still waiting to be discovered.

Your dad's a cunt.

Even Michael Jordan can't dunk from your hairline! 🤣🤣

One day a guy named Carson is called a jerk, and he says, "I went to a party with my girlfriend, and this random guy walks up to us and says, 'Can I borrow your girlfriend for 30 minutes?' I say yes, and he takes her upstairs. It was not only 30 minutes, but an hour. When she came back down, she was out of breath, so I knew it was a pretty intense conversation." This happens about 3 more times that night.

But as I was saying, only a nice guy would let his girlfriend make friends with other guys. 😊😇

Your hairline is so ugly, I thought you were Shrek!